The Balancing Act:
This has been a really great week with 4 dates in total over the weekend. I agreed to go on 7 dates this week, I forgot about 2 of these dates until they reminded me. For this entry I will also share some of my other non-dating activities of the week as they have generally challenged my commitment to finding Mr. Right, and I’m really proud of what I was able to accomplish given the constraints on my time.
At the end of last year I got promoted and started a new job within the same company. The promotion has also led to a lot more time commitment to work. As soon as I heard I had succeeded in securing the role I called my dating coach India Kang and we agreed a strategy which I feel has really helped me this week. Hence colouring this week’s narrative with my work related activities to provide a fuller picture.
The top three things we agreed to help me balance my dating was to firstly make the men come to the area I work in. This was a big no for me before as I had bumped into a few of my colleagues when I was dating last year. But this year, we agreed I didn’t have much of a choice. It is also the reason I navigate my dates to a certain bar when I can as it tends not to attract too may colleagues. Another thing we agreed was dating over the weekend rather than being available through the week. Finally we decided I would qualify the date where possible so I didn’t spend my time on low quality dates. While these strategies seem logical trying to achieve these within the rules can be tricky and India gave me an arsenal of tools to help me handle these challenges.
My new team consists of a lot more people within 10 years of my age and I’ve known some of them several years as we’ve worked on shared projects. There are also 3 other single 30 something women in my new team who are all actively dating. While tempting, I avoid discussing my personal dating with all but one woman who is my confidant and support when I need to dash for dates. As I’m new to the team I do feel some obligation to socialise with my team mates, who are all quite easy to spend time with. However, I’m conscious of not falling into old habits of letting my life hinder my search for Mr. Right.
Team drinks – Thurs Feb 9th – Was supposed to go on a date but he poofed, which was fortunate as I got asked for a report at 5pm and ended up working until 8pm. Then the entire team went for drinks, which continued until the bar closed and we found the only restaurant serving dinner, returning home at 1am. When asked by the youngest of my team mates, if I was seeing someone, I simply said, “I have a cat” I’m not sure if that was the best response but it easily changed to subject. I did discover that he, along with a few other team members thought I was in my 20s which was extremely flattering.
First date – Fri Feb 10th – EliteSingles – My first date off this “premium” membership site where you pay extra to be matched with men in a similar earnings band to you. I had been unimpressed by a few of the guys I’d chatted to off the site but this one seemed pretty straightforward. He didn’t look my type but by no means looked unattractive. He was a GP which makes him the first doctor I think I’ve ever dated. The date was quite boring, and I got the feeling he wasn’t particularly well adjusted socially. I doubt I’ll hear from him again as there was zero connection but a pleasant experience overall. Ended the date after 90mins so as to return to work and continued to work for 2 hrs, leaving at 10pm.
First date – Sat Feb 11th – Tinder – I’d swiped this guy last year and agreed to go on a date with him then but he never followed up with logistics until last week. We were supposed to meet in the afternoon (as I don’t take DZ requests for Sat evening). However, he only thought to finalise details of where and when on the day and ended up suggesting we meet 7:30pm. From his message I got the impression he was hoping to get me drunk and see if he got lucky which I normally try and avoid. However, I’d been convinced by the girls at work to go to a ball with them which started at 9:30pm so I thought why not have the date enroute given I’d be getting glammed up anyway. I’m glad I did, if only for the ego boost I received from my date’s reaction to my outfit. He was on the younger end of my age range and to my chagrin when I checked his profile tinder changed his age downward!! He turned out to be far better looking than his pics, and I was cougarishly attracted to him. He asked a lot of naff questions that showed his immaturity but wasn’t rude when I said I had to dash 45mins in. He even offered to settle up after I left so as not to keep me. Wasn’t expecting to hear from him but bless he sent me a message to say he was glad to meet me and hoped I enjoyed the rest of the evening. I usually ignore non date related messages post-date but in his case I made an exception as in my rush I didn’t do the obligatory “Thanks, it was lovely to meet you” good bye.
The Ball – Sat Feb 11th – With the girls from work, one of whom arrived with 3 age appropriate, newly single male friends, yum! It was a really great venue and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I wouldn’t say I met anyone I could date but it was nice to get out of my work/date/exercise/sleep/ repeat pattern and let my hair down. Unfortunately I only managed to get back home at 2am and I was due to meet my next date at 11am!
First date – Sun Feb 12th – Tinder (11am) – Second Austrian I’ve dated this year, also on the younger side of the age range, yet he was overall far more mature than the previous guy and very engaging on the date. He led very well too, deciding the annoyingly early time which I felt I had to accept as the request was so authoritative, gets me every time (blush). However, when he suggested I came to his part out town I bluntly asked him to meet me 10mins from my home. Given my late finish I was so glad I only had a short walk that I could manage in heels. He opted to take me to the newly opened restaurant that I’ve been dying to check out but haven’t had the time to and also suggested we share our brunch which he selected. All of which was just the biggest turn on, even though he wasn’t a particularly attractive guy. He asked me interesting and engaging questions and everything he shared about himself was endearing. I would really like to see him again.
First date – Sun Feb 12th – OKC (3pm) – When I requested this guy meet me in my area, he found a bowling alley only a 5 min walk from my house for our date. He was really not my type, but sent me a personalised message, was very articulate in his communication and navigated the rules extremely well. Bowling was a great, I’d been to another bowling first date a few years back and the guy had just creeped me out by starting at my T&A overtly as we played while making really awkward conversation. This guy however, was really charming, asked the most interesting questions and given I follow the rules and don’t give a lot away, his deductive powers showed a lot of intelligence. Unfortunately, I found out he had only been in the country 3 months and was on a 6 month secondment from Barbados. While my entry into the UK was under similar circumstances, my qualification were very transferable, however as a Lawyer, he would have to re-train if he chose to extend his stay so it was unlikely. My hopes of being swept off to Barbados with a dashing lawyer were also dashed when he failed to offer me a drink while bowling or after to try and extend the date. Suspect he is looking for a good time casual girl to show him around London and has lost interest upon establishing I’m unlikely to provide this service. Oh well….
I was supposed to go on a third date which was confirmed on the day but he didn’t really clarify where we were meeting so I waited with my makeup and jewellery on for him to follow up. Was super relieved when he didn’t as I was shattered. Well that was my really fun and intense week. I’m not sure if I’ll actually go on any dates next week. I’m generally blanking Valentine ’s Day with the belief that it is the last one I’ll spend single. Also, due to all my work and play commitments the gym suffered so need to get back to in next week.
As always thanks for reading!
Dating Diva xxx