Doubling down

Dating update w/c Mar 13/17 – YTD first dates 19

When I completed the review of all my emails on Sunday 12th March post dead-zone I had accepted 10 date requests.  Of the 10 most didn’t get into logistics and only 4 first dates were agreed and one actually happened.  I had a total of 2 dates this week, one first and one second with the same guy, which is concerning as that isn’t actually allowed but then it was all within the rules framework so not sure if I should have handled it differently.

First date – Thurs 16th Mar – OKC – This guy’s first text was only one short question, and I wanted to delete him as I wasn’t attracted to his profile picture which was quite dark and difficult to see.  Unfortunately the question was a personalised one based on what I’d written on my profile so within the rules I decided to give him 4 messages.  In 3 he had asked me out, and got my number by our forth exchange.  He messaged right away and then we began the lengthy exchange of arranging a date which took a month.  By the time we had agreed on a suitable date I didn’t remember what he looked like or how we had met. I remember thinking he was a duty date and was looking for essentially an Indian “freshie.”

I turned up at our agreed location and then just stood in a spot hoping this guy would wave or catch my eye.  As I did a slow spin a tall man that looked a bit like Mick Jagger in his glory days if he had a great tan waved at me.  I paused to make sure he was indeed waving at me before walking over to him.  The minute I heard his voice I knew I was in trouble.  While not at all my usual type, the only thought in my head was I want to kiss those lips!  His voice was lovely and when he informed me that he worked as a voice over artist I believed without a shadow of doubt he earned good money.  As the date progressed he mentioned how he had seen all the same people on all the apps and asked if I’d experienced the same. Figured there was no point pretending I was only on one app as he would see me on something else for sure, if he hadn’t already.  So I decided to just rip off the Band-Aid right away.  With my eyes as wide as they would open, with as innocent a face as I could muster up, (channelling guilty puppy face) I stated I honestly didn’t remember which app I’d met him on.  I knew if he got angry I would have my answer, he wasn’t an alpha and couldn’t handle rules dating.  When he laughed out and shook his head saying, “you are unbelievable” the test was complete.  He reminded me of where we had met and then we moved on to other topics.

Not long after my confession he asked if I would like to meet him again and I agreed.  He then asked what I was doing over the weekend.  This I always find a bit of a trick question as it could just be making conversation or it could be trying to pin you down.  So I simply stated, “I’m sure someone will remind me” which he also found funny and then asked if I’d like to see him on Sun.  As it was Thursday, I could within the 3 day rule accept a date for Sun.  That said we are not supposed to go on more than one date a week until established as a couple so normally I would have said no.  However, I feel on a first date the track record of guys actually following through on their date requests after the fact is less than 10%, so not worth discouraging the request. The general advice I’ve received is you just say sure, sounds good and wait for them to pin you down. So I did just that and this one pinned me down.


Second date – Sunday 19th Mar – OKC –  He called 48hrs later while I was at the gym and when  I got out I had 4 text messages and within one of them he had nexted himself by offering to cook me dinner. Mate I met you once for 45 mins and you think I’m going to show up at yours for dinner? Seriously???  Anyway, I gave the standard, “prefer to go out” answer and it was accepted and we met in my area again.  Had a nice lunch and then he asked if I had to be headed somewhere.  I said I had a bit more time as it had only been one hour on the date so we wandered about to find a place for a drink.


While there were many options he was looking for something loungy and I discovered later why this was the case.  In an attempt to find a place we went to a bar that had several floors, but as it was Sunday one was closed and we found ourselves in an empty stairwell.  He tried to grab my hand at this point and my spidey senses said “run”.  So I pulled my first and only door open on the date and got into the main building and jumped into a fuller lift going to the next floor.  Unfortunately the rather perfect location was fully booked so we headed out.  On the lift ride down we were alone and he leaned in for a kiss. What happened next was an out of body experience where I found myself looking down on the unrulesly version of me, tilting my head towards his beautiful lips and enjoying the kiss, while the rules girl in me stared with disapproval. I didn’t pull away but it ended quickly (or so it felt) when the lift arrived at its destination. We were both very red in the face not because we were flushed, but because my lipstick was everywhere!  He told me not to reapply it, though when he went to find some tissues I reapplied my lipstick, stating I didn’t what to have to do that again.


Aside: Kissing with the rules:

An unexpected outcome of the rules is that I seem to really enjoy the kisses I get.  In the past before the rules, I was very uncomfortable with both kissing and sex as I felt I needed to be good at these activities and the need to be good deterred from my ability to enjoy these pleasures.  There were only a handful of times that I kissed a guy pre-rules where I felt real sparks.  With the rules I’ve learnt to listen and let the man lead and so that has yielded better results.  This has relieved me of the burden of needing to be good as I am to simply accept the offer or reject not meet said offer.  Hence when before every kiss was a minefield of what do I do with my tongue or how do I respond to that movement, now it is simply breathe, relax and remember to pull away first.  I’m very much looking forward to sex with the rules and most unfortunately looking forward to sex with Mr. Voice regardless of the rules ….

We finally found a pub he liked and while he went to get me a drink from the bar I found a two seater table in public view to sit at and placed bag and jacket on the open side of my seat as I now knew what he was hoping for.  He moved my jacked and sat next to me and then proceeded to try and kiss me.  As tempting as it was I knew that we had already gone past the recommended amount of kissing so I simply said I didn’t know him very well.  We started chatting and before he knew it he had shared some personal details that he hadn’t intended to as at the end of it he looked at me bewildered and asked how we had gotten on that subject.  Then he said, so you know me better now can I have a kiss and I just laughed, it was endearing but would I have felt that had I not been attracted to him?

Over the course of the next hour he tried to kiss me several times and succeeded twice.  Finally I asked to leave and he asked for a kiss before I left and I said I’d consider if upon my exit, given he was in the way of said exit.  He then moaned that I didn’t like him and I shrugged, so he asked me out again and I said sounds good. He proposed some dates and I remained vague.  He said he would call and if I didn’t answer he would text.  This made me a bit happy, that while this one was too cute and slobbery to train properly at least some of it was working.

Overall, looking back on this date now that every one of my nerve endings has seized to be on fire I think:

Did he treat me with respect?

Would I have liked this if I wasn’t attracted to him?

Would he treat his dream girl this way?

The answer to all of to the above is NO.  I don’t think this guy is Mr. Right, but I think I need to date him as I’ll learn about my own tolerance levels and what I need to be mindful of when I do meet Mr Right.  Or I’m simply talking myself into this because I just want to kiss this guy some more!!!  I don’t know if my desire for sex will derail my desire for finding Mr Right but whatever happens as always I will learn and better myself from the experience.

Thanks for reading!!

Dating Diva xx


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