Dating update w/c May 1/17 – YTD first dates 27
Having worked every weekend for the past two months earned me some time off in lieu which I decided to use to get myself back on track with my dating. My staycation started on Thursday of last week but the entire day was spent decompressing and catching up on sleep, I did run out of likes on Tinder none the less. On Friday, I spent the day with a fellow rules girl (RG) Nadia Joy and ensured all messages on my 10 dating profiles were responded to and I’d liked as much as I could on all apps that needed it. On Nadia’s encouragement, I even gave a guy that had struggled to understand the concept of scheduling a date for over two months another chance in hopes of getting a date. In the end, before dead zone I’d agreed to several dates and even managed to stack a couple on Wed. Both my Wed dates didn’t materialise one guy unmatched me in the middle of logistics and the other rescheduled as he forgot he has asked me out on his birthday. Four dates went ahead which still leaves me behind in my goal, and I will need to go on 15 more dates this month to get back on track.
First date – Mon 1st May – Tinder: We matched on Tinder on the 5th of March and the conversation moved to text a week later. However, this guy did not understand how scheduling a date worked, first he asked me several times for last minute dates all of which I declined. I’d never reply to any non date related messages either and was going to stop responding to all messages but he finally realised he needed to ask me for my availability. I told him when I was free and the idiot went “ok”, waited until later in the week when I said I was free from and then messaged, “so shall we grab a drink tonight?” I couldn’t control my laugher when I read his text. He had an entire week to lock me in for a date and he didn’t send me a single message then when I’d made other plans he thinks I’d be free to see him? By end of April I was just ignoring his messages but encouraged by my fellow RG I decided to reply one last time and we finally met. He looked like his worst picture, but was generally good company. We went to lunch on Monday afternoon which was a bank holiday and he ordered some food for us to share which was delicious. I already knew I really didn’t want to see him part way through the date as he was on the older end of the age range and just didn’t come off as a charismatic take charge guy. Fortunately I’ve not heard from him again so no more annoying texts that drain my energy, yay!
First date – Thurs 4th May – Tinder: Short, slightly chubby Polish lawyer that had a way of communicating that grated on my nerves. Instead of complimenting me he expressed concern I may be cold because I was wearing “next to nothing”. I was wearing a denim & leather dress that skimmed my knee, knee high boots, a long leather jacket and a big fur scarf, it was a lot for May! We sat outside for dinner and he ensured I was under a heat lamp and insisted I wear my jacket as he was worried I was cold. I know he meant well but it was annoying. I’m glad for the rules as they teach you to smile and nod and not react. This meant that I just smiled and nodded for much of what he said in the first 30 mins which due to his style came across as condescending or chauvinistic. As the evening progressed and I learnt more about him I realised in spite of how he came across he was a genuine, sweet and intelligent guy. He has since asked me out and I’ve accepted, we shall see if that leads to anything, I’m not remotely attracted to him.
First date – Sat 6th May – Tinder: So I had several dinner date offers for this Sat, however, they were either first dates or last minute requests so I had to decline and ended up having one drinks date early in the evening on Sat. The guy looked like his picture, but he was shorter than I had accepted and with his white shirt that had large blue dots, the size of a two pound coin, he just looked a bit like a toad. In the lead up to the date he had claimed he knew a few good places in the area we met in and had even said he knew a great wine bar (there were several near in this area). But when we met he asked me to pick a place which coupled with his disappointing looks really wound me up. I gave the usual “where did you have in mind?”, “anywhere you pick works” lines which prompted him to lead me in the “wrong” direction so I decided to be slightly bitchy and say, sure anything other than X pub (which was the pub we were headed to) is fine. He quickly picked two other options and I agreed with the least offensive of the two.
I had spent a good 2 hours getting ready prior to this date (note I didn’t say for this date) as I had the time and had recently organised my make-up and cleaned all my brushes and fancied seeing if the extra effort would actually make a difference to my appearance. A recent facebook poll confirmed that the “look” that took me longer to pull together was better than the one I did in 15 mins post a gym workout on route to a date. On the way to the bar a man tried to talk to me, when we got to the bar and I went to take a seat I felt eyes on me. A group of young men walked in while we were there and one just blatantly started at me. To show my appreciation I walked past the young man’s table on the way to the toilets, and enjoyed his appreciation for my figure. On the way back his mate decided to stare right at me and mouth wow as I pretended not to notice, my efforts were well worth the ego boost.
Right the date was fine, he really liked his gigs as do I and he talked about stuff that was generally interesting and told me about the awesome Glastonbury line up I am due to enjoy in a mere 7 weeks. He too has asked me out again and I’ve accepted as he was good company, zero attraction but noting he said flagged any deal breakers so we see.
First date – Sun 5th May – OKC: This was a 100% duty date as I would have never swiped yes on this guy. But he sent me a personalised message, asked me out in 4 and navigated through the date hoops. Before we even walked the 30 feet to the bar from where we met, I had nexted him as he informed me he was on a “career break” from being a manager of a grocery store. At the bar while we waited to order drinks he informed me he was deaf and had a very high tech hearing aid which then explained why I though he had a wireless headset attached to him. I also saw the scars from when he was pushed out of the window of a high rise apartment building as a child. All of this made me feel sorry for him but not enough to want to spend any more than the minimum amount of time with him. He was also very nervous because he couldn’t believe his luck. Anyway at the end of my 45 mins I left, he has asked me out again and I’m ghosting.
All week I’ve tried to maximise the use of my date look by adding activities around my dates where the look could be appreciated in hopes that I could get dates in real life (IRL). I have been especially motivated since learning that my friend Nadia Joy, recently met a man who owned his own restaurant, a car service and a large family home simply by sitting in her local coffee shop. He not only had one of his drivers drop her off after asking her out but has had this driver take her to and from their last two dates. Nadia and I have a lot in common and such a similar look that when we swiped together last week we matched a guy that thought we were the same woman with two different profiles on Tinder. So there really are no excuses for me not to be able to attract men by simply being present in my date attire. Armed with Nadia’s tips for creating a party in my head and owning the CUAO within I set forth.
After Monday’s date I went to my favourite coffee shop to sit and be approached. Unfortunately the only empty seat was next to a work colleague and I ended up chatting with him and not really managing to channel the CUAO available to talk vibe.
On Thursday, I got date ready and went to a wine tasting hosted by a friend, his finance manager was there with a few of his banker friends and they were attractive and we chatted but none of them tried to get my number. It was still good to have been in the presence of men, practicing non date CUAO behaviour.
After my date on Saturday, I took myself to my local bar and owned a seat at the bar. I received instant service which was a first. I had intended to do the rest of the evening solo but chickened out and was lucky that my friend Poonam who lived locally was available to help me out. As I’d mentioned I had taken my time getting ready for this evening and was certain several men had checked me out while I was out on my date. However, as I sat at the bar waiting for Poonam to join me, totally available to be chatted up I started to second guess myself. Was I really getting all these looks or was it that I felt happy and confident so believed that men were drooling all over me? No one was walking over to me to strike up a conversation. Fortunately, when Poonam arrived she instantly confirmed that I was in fact owning the bar with the way I was sat. After a drink at the bar we went to a very trendy street food venue in a warehouse that also has a pop-up of a top central London club in the upper level. Because this establishment is located a very short walk from my house I usually get my hand stamped earlier in the evening so as not to have to pay entry later. Unfortunately, the stamp I’d gotten earlier had completely washed off and the guys at the door were not the same that I’d spoken to when we arrived. Nevertheless, I decide to as cutely and sweetly as possible state my stamp case and they not only gave me a new stamp but also let Poonam in for free, again not something I’ve managed to do previously. As we wandered about from food to drink Poonam stated that a few men had looked at me like I was the main course confirming that it wasn’t all in my head. Now I know all this build up should yield in me actually being chatted up by a gorgeous man, but that didn’t happen this week. What did happen is that I felt more confident, I was able to revel in the attention for the first time rather than panic that men were staring at me because I had my skirt stuck in my spanx and that is a small but significant victory.
I have a few dates lined up for next week and at least one date I’m actually excited about. I will continue to work on my IRL game. My housemate recently spotted my long time crush in the area we work in so maybe all of this is practice so I don’t wet myself or run and hide like a child if I bump into him. I truly believe everything I’m currently experiencing is happening for a reason, the reason is unknown to me but everything always works out for me so I’m just going to enjoy the ride.
Thanks for reading!
Dating Diva xx