The One and Lonely

Dating update w/c Mar 06/17 – YTD first dates 18

Another really busy week with work, but I agreed to 1 date on Thursday and 4 dates on Friday simply to be able to stack them.  I knew historically at least one would flake.  In the end Thurs rescheduled, 2 Friday dates flaked and one asked to move to next week leaving only one date for this week.

First date – Fri 10th Mar – Tinder – With some renewed interest from my professional pictures I’m getting a lot of personalised messages from men I’m not so keen on, I’m on 9 dating sites & apps and Tinder is the only one where within the rules I can genuinely select who I speak to.  So I’ve decided to get quite picky with my Tindering.  Only men that spark joy in me when they send a message are entertained on Tinder which meant my one and only date of the week was a good’un.

I found him very attractive and actually thought he looked better than his profile pictures, he had a good job, seemed ambitious, a home owner and his hobby was classic cars as he owned one, yay! Another bonus was that he had looked into the university I attended and discovered I was Canadian which showed both interest (flattering) and intelligence.  He cracked me up with the way he complained about my short tinder responses.  He asked me if I like to travel and I simply answered “yes”, not launching into my latest holiday and how much fun I have as a singleton.  He then teased me about how that was my Tinder answer, stating that he hadn’t actually expected me to agree to meet with him.  Anyway, while he was very charming, there were a fair few long pauses in the conversation and I did feel his brain was processing something but I’m not sure that the churning wheels were leading to a conclusion I would want.  At the end of the date I got the distinct feeling I’d not be hearing from him again.  Which is a shame but at least it was a lovely way to end a very long week!

Thanks for reading,

Dating Diva xx

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Duty dating

Dating update w/c Feb 27/17 – YTD first dates 17

Last week I was exceptionally busy with work and helping my housemate with her wedding so I did not have time to swipe on Tinder.  That said I had a couple of weeks prior got some absolutely amazing professional photos done and gone ahead and updated all my profiles with new photos.  This yielded a flurry of new messages that I barely had time to respond to.  Even with replies once every 48hr or longer I ended up agreeing to meet 6 men!  I cringed as I said yes because with working 12 – 14 hr days and weekends due to a key work deadline I was unable to actually go on the dates I was agreeing to.  This did, however, give me the advantage of filtering out anyone not too keen.  Only two dates materialised, and neither were guys I’d been excited to me.

First Date – Tue 28th Feb – Happn – He wasn’t my type but sent me a charm so I decided to give him 4 messages, during which he acquired my number and called to lock in a date.  He insisted on meeting for “coffee” at 6pm which annoyed me as I’d have preferred meeting during the afternoon given we both worked in the same area.  But he did pick a bar very close to my office which was the only saving grace of the entire date.  I had to push the date back to 7pm as an urgent meeting was scheduled for 6pm, and when I arrived I was quite mentally exhausted.  I tried to convince myself this was a good thing as I could just sit and sip my drink and relax. To my surprise it really did help as the date was extremely awkward so having work at the forefront of my mind meant I was able to zone out and just think about work during the many awkward silences. While, used to the silences after many first dates I wasn’t prepared for the awkward comments like “ah you are wearing the dress from your profile picture, it must be your favourite.”  What am I to say to that?  “yes, I live in this dress”.  Better comments received from other suitors have been, “you look great”, “that dress really suits you”, “that is your colour” and “oh, so glad you wore the dress from your profile picture you look really hot in it!”  Anyway, I gave him an awkward smile.  He then stated the following comments none of which helped his cause:

“I take an uber to work every day both ways, cheaper than owning a car”

“I can fly a plane, I used to own one”, sorry mate just not buying that.

“India has a better quality of life, you can have a live in maid, chef, chauffer. Really dislike having to sort things out for myself”, go back then!

He was also very weird about ordering, made a point of asking about the non-alcoholic drinks, then instead of picking a juice combination already on the menu he asked for one to be made with an unusual combination of fruit and veg.  When his slug arrived, his face expressed that it tasted as unappetising as it looked.

When his hour was finally up and I said I had to get going, however, instead of trying to get the bill or making any attempt to wrap things up he simply stated “so good for one but no second date huh?” I just didn’t know what to say as I don’t feel the need to sooth a grown man’s ego and he wasn’t really asking me out again so I just stated I was tired.  Then he unhelpfully pointed out he had an earlier start than me most days. Eventually when he made no attempt to release me from my prison, I simply got up, said good bye and walked out.  NEXT

First date – Fri 3rd Mar – OKC – He was sweet, chatty and fairly good company.  Having decided to give myself over to the rules process, I try not to focus on the looks though his short, round figure while cute in a childish way did nothing for me.  As he chatted on I went through my check list, what does he bring to the table to enhance my life?  The thing that became clear as he spoke was he had no ambition.  Having been made redundant from a lucrative IT role in the financial sector he had settled into a similar lower pressure job with a local council where hours and benefits were good but progression and pay lacking.  He now eagerly awaited being made redundant from this role as he was aware he was doing the job of an analyst being paid a manager’s salary and he had no interest in stepping.  This was more off putting to me than his looks and I wrapped up the date in an hour so I could return to the office.  I was hoping he would eventually disappear if I didn’t reply to his messages but he has sent me several messages in the past week looking to meet up when he returns from his holiday.  I was planning on sending a no-spark text, however, my coach’s voice seems to be in my head going, “don’t dismiss the keen ones even if you don’t like them, they can surprise  you”  so now I’m going to give him one more chance.  The rules are fairly effective at weeding out the unambitious as you need drive to date a rules girl, they never are easy to get and if a guy doesn’t fight for the betterment of his own life how will he manage the chase?

Guess I will find out soon enough, until next time.

Thanks for reading,

Dating Diva xx

Dating update w/c Feb 20/17 – YTD first dates 15

Going through the motions:

Skipped the update last week as there were no first dates.  It was valentines’ day week and generally given there wasn’t anyone I considered special enough to see that day I blanked the week.  This did have a knock on impact on this week so only 1 first date.

First date – Tue Feb 21st  – EliteSingles – This guy poofed prior to our date a few weeks back but when he asked again I decided to give him a chance.  It was a really convenient coffee date in the middle of the work day. We both work in the same area so were able to meet up in a coffee shop less than 10 mins from our respective offices.  On our date I discovered he had worked for my company for a number of years and we knew a fair few people in common including my housemate.  The date was fairly average, he wasn’t my type but I’d gone along as with the rules I don’t add a layer of my own preference, I just go with the framework.  Usually most men never follow though for a second date so I really just enjoy the experience and what it teaches me about myself.  When I came home I asked my housemate if she knew the guy and it turned out they both had changed jobs and were once again working on the same floor in the new company.  Not mentioned on this profile was the fact that he was very recently divorced with a baby that was no more than 3 years old.  Both are not appealing pieces of information to me.  He has not asked to meet again so I will release this with the knowledge that I LOVE having coffee dates as they take minimal time and effort.

Third date – Sun 26th Feb – Tinder – this is the promising date zero from the last post, who was my only date last week and asked me out again for this week.  While he did start out as a contender, his second date was a repeat of our DZ, as in he showed up in my area and asked me to take him somewhere.  Then he nexted himself by first suggesting that he come around to mine for brunch for our third date, he’d bring the champagne.  I followed the script and replied, “Thanks, but I prefer to go out.”   His suggestion for the super casual date not only revealed his intentions but also made clear that he really doesn’t listen to what I say.  Being a follower of the rules I say very little on dates, and on our last date I imparted 3 nuggets of information not already on my profile.  They were that I don’t cook, enjoy watching movies and love Prosecco.  I don’t like Prosecco because it is cheaper than Champagne, I like it because of the dry light taste and generally consistent experience due to how the wine is processed. Not that these strong preferences were shared, but I do state on my profile that I like Italian food so why would I then prefer to pair it with a French wine when the Italian alternative is fantastic? So I can only assume given the message arrived at 8am the next morning he was thinking with his downstairs brain. Anyway, I was hoping he would poof but he managed to navigate my limited responses to secure a third date. And for the third week in a row he showed up to my area and asked me to take him somewhere nice as I was the “local expert”, to which I replied, “really think Google is a local expert, I’m just finding my way”.  So he picked the third decent restaurant in my area (previously provided as an option on prior dates) and we went there. At the end of the date he asked me to split the bill and it made me super happy as that meant I could now within the rules decline any further date requests from him.

It does seem silly that I would not just rule out a guy when he failed to impress me but I have decided for this year to give myself over to the rules entirely.  I practice the rules with an open mind and the belief that “everything always works out for me.”  What I’m discovering is that taking away my “bias” and prejudice from the process is teaching me things about myself that I wasn’t aware of as I would never go out of my comfort zone enough to uncover them.  I’m really enjoying this journey of self-discovery and I’m glad to have a few readers to keep me going.

Thanks for reading,

Dating Diva xx

Dating update w/c Feb 6/17 – YTD first dates 14

The Balancing Act:

This has been a really great week with 4 dates in total over the weekend. I agreed to go on 7 dates this week, I forgot about 2 of these dates until they reminded me. For this entry I will also share some of my other non-dating activities of the week as they have generally challenged my commitment to finding Mr. Right, and I’m really proud of what I was able to accomplish given the constraints on my time.

The Promotion:

At the end of last year I got promoted and started a new job within the same company.  The promotion has also led to a lot more time commitment to work.  As soon as I heard I had succeeded in securing the role I called my dating coach India Kang and we agreed a strategy which I feel has really helped me this week.  Hence colouring this week’s narrative with my work related activities to provide a fuller picture.

The top three things we agreed to help me balance my dating was to firstly make the men come to the area I work in.  This was a big no for me before as I had bumped into a few of my colleagues when I was dating last year.  But this year, we agreed I didn’t have much of a choice. It is also the reason I navigate my dates to a certain bar when I can as it tends not to attract too may colleagues.  Another thing we agreed was dating over the weekend rather than being available through the week.  Finally we decided I would qualify the date where possible so I didn’t spend my time on low quality dates.  While these strategies seem logical trying to achieve these within the rules can be tricky and India gave me an arsenal of tools to help me handle these challenges.

The Team:

My new team consists of a lot more people within 10 years of my age and I’ve known some of them several years as we’ve worked on shared projects.  There are also 3 other single 30 something women in my new team who are all actively dating. While tempting, I avoid discussing my personal dating with all but one woman who is my confidant and support when I need to dash for dates. As I’m new to the team I do feel some obligation to socialise with my team mates, who are all quite easy to spend time with. However, I’m conscious of not falling into old habits of letting my life hinder my search for Mr. Right.

The Events:

Team drinks – Thurs Feb 9th – Was supposed to go on a date but he poofed, which was fortunate as I got asked for a report at 5pm and ended up working until 8pm. Then the entire team went for drinks, which continued until the bar closed and we found the only restaurant serving dinner, returning home at 1am. When asked by the youngest of my team mates, if I was seeing someone, I simply said, “I have a cat” I’m not sure if that was the best response but it easily changed to subject. I did discover that he, along with a few other team members thought I was in my 20s which was extremely flattering.

First date – Fri Feb 10th – EliteSingles – My first date off this “premium” membership site where you pay extra to be matched with men in a similar earnings band to you.  I had been unimpressed by a few of the guys I’d chatted to off the site but this one seemed pretty straightforward.  He didn’t look my type but by no means looked unattractive. He was a GP which makes him the first doctor I think I’ve ever dated.  The date was quite boring, and I got the feeling he wasn’t particularly well adjusted socially. I doubt I’ll hear from him again as there was zero connection but a pleasant experience overall.  Ended the date after 90mins so as to return to work and continued to work for 2 hrs, leaving at 10pm.

First date – Sat Feb 11th – Tinder – I’d swiped this guy last year and agreed to go on a date with him then but he never followed up with logistics until last week.  We were supposed to meet in the afternoon (as I don’t take DZ requests for Sat evening).  However, he only thought to finalise details of where and when on the day and ended up suggesting we meet 7:30pm. From his message I got the impression he was hoping to get me drunk and see if he got lucky which I normally try and avoid.  However, I’d been convinced by the girls at work to go to a ball with them which started at 9:30pm so I thought why not have the date enroute given I’d be getting glammed up anyway.  I’m glad I did, if only for the ego boost I received from my date’s reaction to my outfit.  He was on the younger end of my age range and to my chagrin when I checked his profile tinder changed his age downward!! He turned out to be far better looking than his pics, and I was cougarishly attracted to him.  He asked a lot of naff questions that showed his immaturity but wasn’t rude when I said I had to dash 45mins in.  He even offered to settle up after I left so as not to keep me.  Wasn’t expecting to hear from him but bless he sent me a message to say he was glad to meet me and hoped I enjoyed the rest of the evening.  I usually ignore non date related messages post-date but in his case I made an exception as in my rush I didn’t do the obligatory “Thanks, it was lovely to meet you” good bye.

The Ball – Sat Feb 11th – With the girls from work, one of whom arrived with 3 age appropriate, newly single male friends, yum!  It was a really great venue and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.  I wouldn’t say I met anyone I could date but it was nice to get out of my work/date/exercise/sleep/ repeat pattern and let my hair down.  Unfortunately I only managed to get back home at 2am and I was due to meet my next date at 11am!

First date – Sun Feb 12th – Tinder (11am) – Second Austrian I’ve dated this year, also on the younger side of the age range, yet he was overall far more mature than the previous guy and very engaging on the date.  He led very well too, deciding the annoyingly early time which I felt I had to accept as the request was so authoritative, gets me every time (blush). However, when he suggested I came to his part out town I bluntly asked him to meet me 10mins from my home.  Given my late finish I was so glad I only had a short walk that I could manage in heels. He opted to take me to the newly opened restaurant that I’ve been dying to check out but haven’t had the time to and also suggested we share our brunch which he selected. All of which was just the biggest turn on, even though he wasn’t a particularly attractive guy.  He asked me interesting and engaging questions and everything he shared about himself was endearing. I would really like to see him again.

First date – Sun Feb 12th – OKC (3pm) – When I requested this guy meet me in my area, he found a bowling alley only a 5 min walk from my house for our date.  He was really not my type, but sent me a personalised message, was very articulate in his communication and navigated the rules extremely well.  Bowling was a great, I’d been to another bowling first date a few years back and the guy had just creeped me out by starting at my T&A overtly as we played while making really awkward conversation.  This guy however, was really charming, asked the most interesting questions and given I follow the rules and don’t give a lot away, his deductive powers showed a lot of intelligence.  Unfortunately, I found out he had only been in the country 3 months and was on a 6 month secondment from Barbados. While my entry into the UK was under similar circumstances, my qualification were very transferable, however as a Lawyer, he would have to re-train if he chose to extend his stay so it was unlikely.  My hopes of being swept off to Barbados with a dashing lawyer were also dashed when he failed to offer me a drink while bowling or after to try and extend the date.  Suspect he is looking for a good time casual girl to show him around London and has lost interest upon establishing I’m unlikely to provide this service.  Oh well….

I was supposed to go on a third date which was confirmed on the day but he didn’t really clarify where we were meeting so I waited with my makeup and jewellery on for him to follow up.  Was super relieved when he didn’t as I was shattered.  Well that was my really fun and intense week.  I’m not sure if I’ll actually go on any dates next week.  I’m generally blanking Valentine ’s Day with the belief that it is the last one I’ll spend single.  Also, due to all my work and play commitments the gym suffered so need to get back to in next week.

As always thanks for reading!

Dating Diva xxx

Dating update w/c Jan 30/17 – YTD first dates 10

The BETA:

So in spite of agreeing to go on dates with at least 6 men and having 3 of them confirm, date, time and location only one date materialised on the last day of the week. One poofed after failing to move the date earlier and the other cancelled last minute without rescheduling. I’m still on track for my goal, and with 10 dates I’m 10% done against my goal!

First date – Sun Feb 5th  – Tinder:  Logistics for this date were painful to navigate but I feel the need to share as it all builds up to a rather large vent. Needless to say he was a next but read on if you are curious to learn how he successfully murdered my light and breeziness.

After over a month of slow messaging via the app he finally got to fixing a date and then asked if I’d meet him in Greenwich which is an area I can walk to from my house but a bit out of the way.  Also, it felt like he was asking me to come to him so I decided to stick to my usual very popular and developed tube station.

While he agreed to meet me at my chosen location he asked me to suggest where we could go, I ignored the comment and responded by requesting at time.  Then he called me to ask me where to go in the area, to which I provided a vague response about there being a choice of bars to pick from.  Then he asked me how he could get to the suggested meeting point, this really tested my patience!! How can a man that navigated an app to find me, not know how to look up directions on the internet?  When I pretended not to understand the question he seemed to mumble some options of how he could come to meet me.  We agreed a slot between 6 -7pm.  At 4pm he called again we confirmed the date for around 7pm and then he asked me if there was parking where we were meeting.  At this point I’d lost all interest in meeting him and just said “Sorry I don’t drive maybe you can look it up on google”.  If he hadn’t been the only date I had for the week I think I would have just asked to reschedule and poofed.  (The things I do as a commitment to this blog!)

At 7pm I arrived at the meeting point but didn’t exit the station as I had a bad feeling he was going to find the ordeal of navigating from 20 mins away too much to handle.

At 7:05pm he called me to say he had just got his car from the garage and he was going to head my way via a particular travel option.  He asked how long it would take me to get to the agreed location, at this point I had lost all the light and breezy in me and I simply stated, “I’m … here, figured you would have used your phone prior to now to communicate delays.”  He then proceeded to mumble a lot of “oh dears, I’m so sorry, excuse, excuse, excuse”.  Eventually he begged me to get a coffee as he rushed over.  Then I got a text 20 mins later informing me of his progress on his chosen route.

He then called at 7:40pm to inform me he had arrived at the agreed station, but instead of being a man and asking me where he could find me he decided to be child and ask me how he could get to me, helpfuly stating,  “I’m at this section of the station.”  I told him I was at a bar in xyz location.  He then asked me if he should turn left or right from where he was.  I told him to use a map.  I’m sure none of this was rulesy but let’s face it this guy is not an Alpha male. Furthermore, given the difficulty he had navigating the 20km distance from his comfort zone near his home to the general centre of the city he supposedly lives in I’m sure he was on the lower end of the IQ scale.  He then informed me he would ask some poor chap for directions and eventually got a stranger to hold his adult hand to escort him to me. (I’m being sarcastic about the last bit)

Upon arrival he didn’t take charge, he simply begged me to lead the way so we walked into the bar closest to the station we met at. Once we settled in with our drinks and he was done apologising I discovered that he had no kids but an adult (25 yr old) daughter.  The depression that set upon me when I realised that I was old enough to be dating men that had adult children was beyond off-putting.

If it wasn’t abundantly clear this idiot was beta, he proved it by not making any attempt to lead the date he was currently on but simply offering to buy me dinner another time to make up for his general inadequacy as a man.  I thought you couldn’t even offer me a decent drink or plan a date outside of one square mile of your house how exactly are you going to achieve taking me to dinner?  I said, “sure, sounds great”  I remember this response was so hard for me only 6 months ago when I started rules dating that I argued with India Kang (my coach) about being dishonest when I had no intention of following through on a second meeting.  I remember her explaining that 99% of these guys will not need any follow through as they will fail to follow up on the next date. Now agreement to all the nonsense men spout on dates just happens so naturally as my mind wanders about whatever actually matters to me.

He spent the date going on about how nervous he was to come and meet me as we hadn’t spoken much and so he hadn’t chatted me up to ask me out. I kept thinking I’m here moron why don’t you use these “infamous” chat up lines that you keep telling me you didn’t get a chance to use on me beforehand.

Anyway a lot of smiling and nodding later he asked 40mins into the date how I was doing on time and I said I’d better be heading home.  As we walked to the station he mused about how where we were was so close to where he lives that he should really come here more often, it was so nice with such a lot going on.  It took real restraint not to swing my purse at his head.

Worst of all he tried to kiss me on the lips after that pathetic attempt at a date, he wasn’t too shy to attempt getting his filthy grey teeth on my lips – NO WAY!!!

He has since texted asking me out for dinner, I’m ignoring I’m not a saint and I can’t handle light and breezy around him.  I’m sure my coach would tell me this is great practice for when I’m married but I know I’ll at least love the fool I marry, not putting up with idiots….

Oh gosh, didn’t realise how much I needed to vent about this one…

Thanks for reading!

Dating diva xxx

Dating update w/c Jan 23/17 – YTD first dates 9

Total dates this week 2, both first dates, and only arranged 2 so had they not worked out I would not have hit my quota.  I can honestly say that had I not made a commitment to a 100 first dates and this blog this would have been the week that broke my resolve.  Anyway, I survived and here is the update for the “Blob” date.  The guys this week were so similar they deserve only one entry.

Blob Date:

First date – Tue/Thurs Jan 24/26  – Tinder:  Both my dates were on the “few extra pounds” side of the scale, around 5ft10, with light eyes, dirty blonde hair and generally attractive faces.  They both asked me out and then failed to plan anything, I had to tell them my time and place preferences and they just simply showed up at the meeting point.

The Location:

When this happens I do end up navigating them to my preferred wine bar as it has good cheap wine, soft jazz /house in the background, comfy seating, table service (so I don’t have to watch the guy when he goes to the bar to get me a drink in case he decides to slip something into it), and most importantly snacks.  We usually meet around 7pm, but the Rules recommends not having dinner on the first meeting as that can take longer than the max 2 hrs, this bar is perfect as they have very accessible and healthy snack options and every other date will order something for us to munch on which is a lifesaver.  While the rules requires that the man chooses the place, my coach India Kang had written in her book “How to date” that majority of her dates took her to the same place.  I asked her about it as it was a nice place and she said, “well you take them to the main street and point out a few options for them to pick. If you say a particular place is nice they will usually pick the place you compliment to impress you.”  Job done!

The Navigation:

This is how it goes down, they ask where, I say XYZ tube station, they say where around there so I say the clocks which is a landmark or they pick one of the bars right outside the station.  We meet, we walk into one of the 4 bars around the station, they quickly realise it is far too loud and crowded to have a decent conversation and look at me for a suggestion. I tell them the bars on the other side of the shopping centre are quieter and then we walk across the retail section, as we come out the other end the atmosphere is a lot less busy and most of the guys start to relax.  I then point to the options, the pubs by the canal, my favourite bar, and some other bars in restaurants. They usually go lets go to the wine bar or ask do you want to go there and I say, “up to you, maybe full” which then implies it is popular and seals the deal. I feel slightly evil, but they do feel it is their choice and some will even pat themselves on the back for picking the bar, the intelligent ones will thank me for introducing them to it.

The Problem:

Not sure if the above may have alluded you to the problem but here is what happened.  I took two very similar looking men to the same bar 48 hrs apart.  On the second occasion, the bar manager comes up to us and goes, “You two can’t get enough of each other, and back here again! Can’t keep away, I love it.” Look on my face pure mortification, my date looked thoroughly confused. Then my date said, “this is the first time I’ve been here”, now the bar manager looked confused and I didn’t know where to look as I was sure he was going to twig these were two different dates.

Bar manager to my date, “You have a very familiar face, I thought I’d recognised you”

Date, “Oh yes I’m on channel 5”, which prompted my face to go from mortification to quizzical

Bar manager, “No way, which show, I knew I recognised you”

Date, “Have you seen the show about the… I’m just kidding, I’m not on TV”

Bar manager, “ha ha you had me there”

Then a bromance ensued, resulting in us both ordering a second glass of wine.  I normally only have one glass and then some water but I needed some liquid courage after nearly being made!

Fortunately my date thought the bar manager was just being friendly and complimented the service.  I smiled and nodded generally relieved that I wasn’t caught out.

Conclusion:

I never heard from the Tues date and I didn’t expect to, on the date he established we worked in a similar field and would likely run into each other with work so I watched him talk himself out of a second date in front of me. He subsequently unmatched me from Tinder, I didn’t mind, think he was intelligent enough to have worked out that simply having a well-paying job and a nice flat wasn’t going to impress me and he didn’t want to actually put in any more effort so happy he got to his conclusion quickly.

Thursday date I had significantly more chemistry with, he was a chatty guy and I liked everything he said.  Both men asked intelligent and interesting question rather than the usual rubbish that I get asked so they were good company, but this one somehow just clicked better.  At the end of the evening, when we said good night he grabbed the back of my head and went in for a kiss on the lips.  I really didn’t like it and ducked out from under his hand. He then said come on I’ve embarrassed myself now. Pre the rules I would have felt bad or even allowed the guy to kiss me to know that he liked me.  Post the rules I was offended and didn’t care that he felt embarrassed.  I did a Sorry (not sorry at all) giggled and walked away.  He sent a text apologising for being “fresh” I ignored it and hoped that would be the end of it.  Unfortunately he has asked me out again so I guess I’ll give him a go.  Second dates are usually a lot better than the first as it is harder for the guys to lock me down a second time and in doing so I’ve usually warmed a bit more to them so generally more appreciative of their efforts and happier to see them.  We shall see if he succeeds in securing a second date…

Thanks for reading,

Dating Diva xx

Dating update w/c Jan 16/17 – YTD first dates 7

Squeaked in my 2 first date quota this week by stacking 2 on Sun so when one bailed I still got my goal for the week. Total dates this week 3:

  • First date – Thurs Jan 19th – Tinder: NEXT – second Italian guy I’ve been on a date with this year.  I do tend to attract them as they have the look I like, dark hair, light eyes and skin that goes tan not red in the sun.  Anyway this one was soooo BETA I really couldn’t get out of there fast enough.  I had to actually stand and wait in front of the door before he opened it! I did give him a tip of a great walking club he could join for this troubles, if he follows through he may even meet a more suitable woman.
  • Second date – Fri Jan 20th – Happn: Actually a good date and the best part was he insisted I could leave before the bill arrived so I did. Not sure I’ll hear from him again but wasn’t that fussed.  I would like to write a bit more about “Arnie” and what he taught me about the rules but feeling quite tired today.
  • First date – Sun Jan 22nd – Badoo / Blendr: He delayed the date by an hour and came across as a bit full of himself. Nice eyes and face but a chubby man who stated on the date that he hadn’t been to a gym in 2 year, but and I quote this, “I stay active, walking, driving, generally getting around”.  I couldn’t help it, had to point out that driving wasn’t very active he seemed unfazed.  He has texted to ask me out again so I’ll give him another chance but he is very close to being a next.  Highlight of the date was that as we walked back to the station after the date a guy blatantly took a picture of me. My date proudly proclaimed that there were paparazzi all around snapping me.  For once I met the rules brief of making a guy feel like he is dating a TV star J

I only arranged 4 dates this week and put in minimal effort so it was a good week. Also managed to work out 3 times so winning!

Thanks for reading!!

Dating Diva xx

Dating update w/c Jan 9/17 – YTD first dates 5

This week I had 3 dates but 2 were second dates so the YTD counter didn’t move much. I started the week agreeing to dates with at least a dozen men but majority of them failed to sort out logistics and lock me down for a date.  Three of them asked me in the middle of logistics, “what I was looking for on the site”, I tried three different responses, “Looking to meet new people”, “looking to date and see”, “you first” in all cases the outcome was the same they did not follow through on the date.  In my experience no guy that has asked this question has been interested in just dating and meeting someone nice.  I wait to be proven wrong.

  • Second date – Wed 11th Jan – Tinder Prince2: He planned the date based on my profile, Mexican food for dinner followed by a sci-fi movie, I really appreciated that. Some pink flags cropped up, he said he had been renting a storage container for his stuff since splitting up with his ex as she had a really large house and he accumulated a lot of stuff. Issue I have is that he broke up with his ex in 2010! An ambitions man would have found a larger place for himself, a sensible one would have decluttered.  He has sent me a couple of messages postdate but none of them were asking me out so I have ignored.
  • First date – Fri 13th Jan – Tinder: NEXT – we spoke on the phone in Dec and he mentioned he had a 9yr old daughter which for me is a deal breaker. However, my dating coach (India Kang) has been urging me to keep an open mind so as he managed to lock me down for a date I thought I’d go.  I need to point out that unlike some of my other dates this guy did the bare minimum, after finding a day that worked he asked me for where and when.  Below is the exchange that followed:

Me: “Anytime after 6:30pm near ABC tube station”.

Him: “Great I’ll head over your way at 6:30pm”

Him: (on date day) “Are we still on for tonight?”

Me: “yes”

Him: “Great where am I headed?”

Me: (fighting the urge to tell him to read my messages) “ABC tube station”

Him: “Great see you at 6:30pm!”

Me: “Sorry, can we do a bit later? Closer to 7ish?” (again annoyed that he would pick 6:30pm when I had clearly said AFTER”

Him: (at 6pm) “I’m here, no rush take your time, I’ll wander around the shops”

Me: (at 6:45pm) “Where shall I find you?”

Him: “I’m in DEF part of the shopping area”

Him: (at 7:05pm) “I’m heading back to the station exit”

Me: (at 7:30pm) “I’m here” (not rulesy but I really didn’t know how else to find him)

Him: “will come up to the exit now”

This was the most annoying exchange as I wished he had taken charge and said I’m in XYZ coffee shop/bar or restaurant.  Where we met there were at least a 100 places to choose from and he couldn’t in over an hour of waiting for me and wandering around find even one!!!

I met him and he was SHORT, and usually I can tell from the profile pics if they don’t put their height down but I got it wrong and was annoyed.  Also he looked a lot older than his stated age, closer to 50 than 40, and clearly his pictures were dated.

When we met he asked where we were going so I led him a bit away from the crowds and pointed to a few places and we settled on one. I had to lead as the place he picked was super busy and I couldn’t hear him so suggested one a bit further away.

On the date I discovered he had a naff job doing security and owned a flat out of the city and seemed very happy with no desire to really progress in life.  So I won’t be wasting my time with him again. He has texted and I’ve ignored. NEXT.

  • Second date – Sat 14th Jan – Happn “Detective”: He asked if I’d like to see a movie on Sat, I had agreed, he sent me a few choices then picked when I said they all sounded great. He asked if I’d like to 5pm or 8pm show and I picked the later show.  He then said he would see me at the cinema at 7:45pm.  We met, bought tickets, watched movie walked back to the tube station and said goodbye.  It felt a bit crap that he didn’t offer to go for a drink after or suggest an early dinner before.  During the movie after we finished our popcorn he reached over and took my hand and held it.  I liked the confidence that exhibited but it felt a bit childish.  I then didn’t know what to do with my hand, could I at some point take it back?  It was so innocent that in the end I just let him hold it for the rest of the movie which was 90mins.  On the walk back to the station I kept my hands in my jacket pocket.  When we said goodbye he grabbed the sides of my arms (my hands were still in my pocket) and pulled me in for a peck on the lips.  I did pull back almost as soon as our lips locked, I didn’t want to kiss him, but I didn’t mind AT ALL!

Overall this week wasn’t as successful in my eyes as last week.  I started to think I wasn’t putting in enough of an effort towards dating and finding new men.  But then I had to remind myself that I have NEVER dated in January.  If single Jan is for getting back to my dating weight and hibernating in warm pubs with good friends.  But I’ve been on 8 dates since the start of this year which is more socialising than I’m used to.  I have a few good leads for next week and hope I can manage 2 first dates.

Thanks for reading!

DatingDiva xx

Dating update w/c Jan 2/17

They say you should start the year the way you hope to continue and I was determined to do just that.  This week was a solid 4 date week, I agreed to meet 6 new men and 4 of them succeeded in locking me down for a date.  Here is the recap of this week’s dating:

  • First date – Tue 3rd Jan – Met on Badoo (I think) I honestly didn’t remember this guy at all but he was texting me on my dating phone so I agreed to meet him. He seemed very average in looks, job, and interests.  When he informed me he shared a ROOM (not a flat) with his brother and hoped that in 4 – 5 years’ time he would be able to afford a place in the outskirts of London with his brother my ovaries shrivelled up. He asked me out again but I’ve ignored the message.
  • First date – Wed 4th Jan (5:30pm) – Tinder nickname Prince2 as his opening line was wanting to be my Prince2 since I worked in project management (it is a project management joke). Picked a nice spot to meet and it was a pleasant first meeting. I am worried that his isn’t particularly ambitious and has coasted along in life on privilege and above average intelligence.  He asked me out again and I’m hoping to see him this coming Wed.
  • First date – Wed 4th Jan (7pm) – Tinder – I was instantly attracted to him but he didn’t have a lot of substance. I found myself fairly bored on the date and have discovered he has subsequently unmatched me so feeling was mutual.
  • First date – Fri 6th Jan (8pm) – HAppn – Wasn’t sure I would be attracted to him but I was in spite of his 5ft6” height. He opted for my now favourite wine bar / coffee shop and after inquiring my preference in wine ordered a bottle of my favourite and a bunch of nibbles which I consumed while he talked and talked and talked. I struggled to end the date in 2 hrs and we did end up going about 10 mins over.  However, it was one of my best first date experiences thus far and a great start to 2017 and a brilliant end to my first week of the year.  He too has asked me out again and I’m hoping to arrange something with him soon.

Overall I’m ahead with 4 first dates under my belt.  I’ve also managed to get to the gym 3 time and yoga studio twice this week so feeling quite positive.

Introduction

I’m single, never married, no kids, ambitious 30 something woman living the good life in London. I have a successful job, good group of friends, am socially well-adjusted and not seeking a partner for financial or emotional support. In other words I’m picky and Mr. Right needs to be just right, life is too good to compromise for someone unexceptional.

My dating coach once said, like attracts like, so I should write down all the qualities I wanted in a man and then honestly assess if I was able to provide the same back.  Upon completing the exercise I realised I was dating way below my level! I have yet to decide whether I’ve got an inflated sense of self-worth or if I do deserve a man that lives up to the same high standard I impose on myself.

I started “rules” dating in 2016 and have found it a great way to meet a lot more people and feel more confident and hopeful about my prospects of meeting Mr Right in 2017.

Once I got into the rhythm of dating in late 2016 I was routinely going on 2+ dates a week. With the maximum dates in a week being 7. Unfortunately after 40+ dates in 2016 there was no Mr. Right or even a guy I was particularly excited about.  Therefore this year I’ve set myself a challenge of going on 100 first dates, which would mean I meet 2 new men every week until the Christmas break.

I’m secretly hoping that I meet Mr. Right and do not complete my mission.  Hopefully this blog will keep me accountable and maybe provide hope to some others out there looking for love.

Thanks for reading!

Dating Diva xx