Staycation

Dating update w/c May 1/17 – YTD first dates 27

Having worked every weekend for the past two months earned me some time off in lieu which I decided to use to get myself back on track with my dating. My staycation started on Thursday of last week but the entire day was spent decompressing and catching up on sleep, I did run out of likes on Tinder none the less.  On Friday, I spent the day with a fellow rules girl (RG) Nadia Joy and ensured all messages on my 10 dating profiles were responded to and I’d liked as much as I could on all apps that needed it.  On Nadia’s encouragement, I even gave a guy that had struggled to understand the concept of scheduling a date for over two months another chance in hopes of getting a date.  In the end, before dead zone I’d agreed to several dates and even managed to stack a couple on Wed. Both my Wed dates didn’t materialise one guy unmatched me in the middle of logistics and the other rescheduled as he forgot he has asked me out on his birthday.  Four dates went ahead which still leaves me behind in my goal, and I will need to go on 15 more dates this month to get back on track.

First date – Mon 1st May – Tinder: We matched on Tinder on the 5th of March and the conversation moved to text a week later.  However, this guy did not understand how scheduling a date worked,  first he asked me several times for last minute dates all of which I declined.  I’d never reply to any non date related messages either and was going to stop responding to all messages but he finally realised he needed to ask me for my availability.  I told him when I was free and the idiot went “ok”, waited until later in the week when I said I was free from and then messaged, “so shall we grab a drink tonight?” I couldn’t control my laugher when I read his text.  He had an entire week to lock me in for a date and he didn’t send me a single message then when I’d made other plans he thinks I’d be free to see him? By end of April I was just ignoring his messages but encouraged by my fellow RG I decided to reply one last time and we finally met.  He looked like his worst picture, but was generally good company.  We went to lunch on Monday afternoon which was a bank holiday and he ordered some food for us to share which was delicious.  I already knew I really didn’t want to see him part way through the date as he was on the older end of the age range and just didn’t come off as a charismatic take charge guy.  Fortunately I’ve not heard from him again so no more annoying texts that drain my energy, yay!

First date – Thurs 4th May – Tinder: Short, slightly chubby Polish lawyer that had a way of communicating that grated on my nerves.  Instead of complimenting me he expressed concern I may be cold because I was wearing “next to nothing”.  I was wearing a denim & leather dress that skimmed my knee, knee high boots, a long leather jacket and a big fur scarf, it was a lot for May!  We sat outside for dinner and he ensured I was under a heat lamp and insisted I wear my jacket as he was worried I was cold.  I know he meant well but it was annoying. I’m glad for the rules as they teach you to smile and nod and not react.  This meant that I just smiled and nodded for much of what he said in the first 30 mins which due to his style came across as condescending or chauvinistic.  As the evening progressed and I learnt more about him I realised in spite of how he came across he was a genuine, sweet and intelligent guy. He has since asked me out and I’ve accepted, we shall see if that leads to anything, I’m not remotely attracted to him.

First date – Sat 6th May – Tinder:  So I had several dinner date offers for this Sat, however, they were either first dates or last minute requests so I had to decline and ended up having one drinks date early in the evening on Sat.  The guy looked like his picture, but he was shorter than I had accepted and with his white shirt that had large blue dots, the size of a two pound coin, he just looked a bit like a toad.   In the lead up to the date he had claimed he knew a few good places in the area we met in and had even said he knew a great wine bar (there were several near in this area).  But when we met he asked me to pick a place which coupled with his disappointing looks really wound me up. I gave the usual “where did you have in mind?”, “anywhere you pick works” lines which prompted him to lead me in the “wrong” direction so I decided to be slightly bitchy and say, sure anything other than X pub (which was the pub we were headed to) is fine.  He quickly picked two other options and I agreed with the least offensive of the two.

I had spent a good 2 hours getting ready prior to this date (note I didn’t say for this date) as I had the time and had recently organised my make-up and cleaned all my brushes and fancied seeing if the extra effort would actually make a difference to my appearance.  A recent facebook poll confirmed that the “look” that took me longer to pull together was better than the one I did in 15 mins post a gym workout on route to a date. On the way to the bar a man tried to talk to me, when we got to the bar and I went to take a seat I felt eyes on me.  A group of young men walked in while we were there and one just blatantly started at me.  To show my appreciation I walked past the young man’s table on the way to the toilets, and enjoyed his appreciation for my figure.  On the way back his mate decided to stare right at me and mouth wow as I pretended not to notice, my efforts were well worth the ego boost.

Right the date was fine, he really liked his gigs as do I and he talked about stuff that was generally interesting and told me about the awesome Glastonbury line up I am due to enjoy in a mere 7 weeks.  He too has asked me out again and I’ve accepted as he was good company, zero attraction but noting he said flagged any deal breakers so we see.

First date – Sun 5th May – OKC:  This was a 100% duty date as I would have never swiped yes on this guy.  But he sent me a personalised message, asked me out in 4 and navigated through the date hoops.  Before we even walked the 30 feet to the bar from where we met, I had nexted him as he informed me he was on a “career break” from being a manager of a grocery store.  At the bar while we waited to order drinks he informed me he was deaf and had a very high tech hearing aid which then explained why I though he had a wireless headset attached to him.  I also saw the scars from when he was pushed out of the window of a high rise apartment building as a child.  All of this made me feel sorry for him but not enough to want to spend any more than the minimum amount of time with him. He was also very nervous because he couldn’t believe his luck. Anyway at the end of my 45 mins I left, he has asked me out again and I’m ghosting.

All week I’ve tried to maximise the use of my date look by adding activities around my dates where the look could be appreciated in hopes that I could get dates in real life (IRL).  I have been especially motivated since learning that my friend Nadia Joy, recently met a man who owned his own restaurant, a car service and a large family home simply by sitting in her local coffee shop.  He not only had one of his drivers drop her off after asking her out but has had this driver take her to and from their last two dates.  Nadia and I have a lot in common and such a similar look that when we swiped together last week we matched a guy that thought we were the same woman with two different profiles on Tinder.  So there really are no excuses for me not to be able to attract men by simply being present in my date attire.  Armed with Nadia’s tips for creating a party in my head and owning the CUAO within I set forth.

After Monday’s date I went to my favourite coffee shop to sit and be approached.  Unfortunately the only empty seat was next to a work colleague and I ended up chatting with him and not really managing to channel the CUAO available to talk vibe.

On Thursday, I got date ready and went to a wine tasting hosted by a friend, his finance manager was there with a few of his banker friends and they were attractive and we chatted but none of them tried to get my number.  It was still good to have been in the presence of men, practicing non date CUAO behaviour.

After my date on Saturday, I took myself to my local bar and owned a seat at the bar. I received instant service which was a first. I had intended to do the rest of the evening solo but chickened out and was lucky that my friend Poonam who lived locally was available to help me out.  As I’d mentioned I had taken my time getting ready for this evening and was certain several men had checked me out while I was out on my date. However, as I sat at the bar waiting for Poonam to join me, totally available to be chatted up I started to second guess myself.  Was I really getting all these looks or was it that I felt happy and confident so believed that men were drooling all over me? No one was walking over to me to strike up a conversation.  Fortunately, when Poonam arrived she instantly confirmed that I was in fact owning the bar with the way I was sat.  After a drink at the bar we went to a very trendy street food venue in a warehouse that also has a pop-up of a top central London club in the upper level. Because this establishment is located a very short walk from my house I usually get my hand stamped earlier in the evening so as not to have to pay entry later.  Unfortunately, the stamp I’d gotten earlier had completely washed off and the guys at the door were not the same that I’d spoken to when we arrived.  Nevertheless, I decide to as cutely and sweetly as possible state my stamp case and they not only gave me a new stamp but also let Poonam in for free, again not something I’ve managed to do previously. As we wandered about from food to drink Poonam stated that a few men had looked at me like I was the main course confirming that it wasn’t all in my head.  Now I know all this build up should yield in me actually being chatted up by a gorgeous man, but that didn’t happen this week.  What did happen is that I felt more confident, I was able to revel in the attention for the first time rather than panic that men were staring at me because I had my skirt stuck in my spanx and that is a small but significant victory.

I have a few dates lined up for next week and at least one date I’m actually excited about.  I will continue to work on my IRL game.  My housemate recently spotted my long time crush in the area we work in so maybe all of this is practice so I don’t wet myself or run and hide like a child if I bump into him. I truly believe everything I’m currently experiencing is happening for a reason, the reason is unknown to me but everything always works out for me so I’m just going to enjoy the ride.

Thanks for reading!

Dating Diva xx

To date or not to date

Dating update w/c April 24/17 – YTD first dates 23

With another weekend spent at work there was not a lot of swiping or online presence to generate dates this week.  A few guys managed to get in touch and three dates were arranged. One on Tuesday, didn’t set a location and messaged the next day to say he hadn’t seen I’d accepted his date offer last week!  He then asked me for a last minute date for prime time Friday night and in my head I just thought, dude you are not traditionally attractive, you have a profile picture where your acne is plainly visible and you blew your one shot at a date by failing to follow though how dare you think you deserve a prime Friday night slot?  Seriously do you think that given I agreed to date your ugly mug I’m so desperate that I’d be sat at home on a Friday night?

My Thursday night date did materialise, though the day before when he called to arrange details he mentioned he worked as a chauffeur and that just put me right off, blue collar is another deal breaker for me and this too has been coach approved.  That said I’d committed to writing this blog and no dates equals no blogs so I decided to take my new extensions for a test drive.

Made a last ditch attempt to rouse up dates on Thursday which was the first day of my staycation, however, my date for Sunday of this week bailed with a lame excuse of “not having slept well.”  This is the second time I’ve had this happen, a very average guy that seems super keen to take me out bails on the day or just before.  I like to believe that they are so surprised that a beautiful woman has agreed to date their average arse that they convince themselves something is wrong.  It is easier to believe this than to think even the lame average guys don’t want to date me.  When the really good looking ones bail I decide it is because they are spoiled by women that pander to their needs and not keen enough to put it the effort.  Whatever I need to say to myself to stay positive.

First date – Thurs 27th April – Badoo: We met at my local tube station and he informed me that the bar next to the station was full which I read as being too pricey for the chauffeur because nothing in my area is ever really full and this bar is quite large. We went to a blue collar pub in the grimmer end of my neighbourhood, which I’m sure was more comfortable for him. Overall seemed like a well-rounded guy that was doing the best he could for himself.  He informed me he had recently purchased a place in a pretty decent part of town with a friend.  This I though was quite impressive until I learned it was an ex-local authority, one bed flat that he was sharing with 3 other guys while they converted it into a two bed which he would then share with his mate and his wife.  Oh dear lord that depressed me!  He asked to see me again after the date and as always I said “sure, sounds good” but I’m pretty sure he could sense my heart wasn’t in it as he never followed through.

On Friday, I had a fellow rules girl visit and we talked all sorts of dating strategy.  Then we did our messages and app swiping just before dead zone commenced and I can’t remember the last time I’d laughed so hard as we navigated our messages with a flurry of “great”, “sounds great”, “sure”, “you seem nice”, “good question”, “Thanks”, and “when did you have in mind?”.  Armed with my vison boards and new dating strategy I’m on the prowl for as many dates as I can get in my week off, wish me luck!

Thanks for reading!

Dating Diva xx

Getting caught up over the last month

Dating update w/c Mar 20/17 – Apr 17/17 YTD first dates 22

So, a month has flown by with work taking over my life to the point that in the past month I worked over night on 3 different nights plus every weekend.  But I still managed to squeeze in a few first dates!  Overall we are 33% of the way through the year so I’m almost 10 dates behind my goal for the year.  I’ve finally finished my key work deliverables and have taken a staycation to get myself back on track.  I fully intend to return back to my weekly updates with a lot more dates each week than I’ve experienced the past month.

Picking up where we left off, my head was pretty giddy from kissing Mr Voice and I wasn’t sure how much restraint I would have.  Fortunately, my will power was never tested.  After our Sunday date he sent me some sweet nothing messages on Monday which I ignored, then on Tuesday he messaged, “Hey you wanna come for dinner this weekend?” I decided to also ignore this as it wasn’t an acceptable offer given last week I’d already expressed my preference to go out.  Next text was “guess you don’t wanna meet anymore?” so I replied “meeting sounds great”. Annoyingly he once again offered to cook me dinner so I replied, “sounds lovely but I’d feel more comfortable going out”.  To which the insensitive jerk replied, “I’m not gonna lock you up in a basement lol” followed by, “are you free Saturday night?” The back and forth had used up the week and as he was asking on Thursday for Saturday in the most unromantic way so I decided to dead zone him early.

Both my rules and non-rules girlfriends agreed that he was asking me out properly for Sat, so on Sun, after another prompt for a response from him I replied, “Crazy busy, Saturday works” which he took to mean next Sat and asked if I’d be happy to meet at 8pm.  Once again I was not pleased as a guy super keen to see me would not be pushing to that late in the evening unless he wanted to put minimal effort to get me back to his place.  I simply answered, “sure” and didn’t hear from him the rest of the week.  On Saturday when I had given up on the date I received the “Are we still meeting tonight” text, once again I replied “sure”, as no effort had been made to plan a date I wasn’t excited about the prospects.  This was good as the next message from him was “ok cool 🙂 Do you have my address?” I decided it was too disrespectful to reply to so that was when Mr. Voice definitively nexted himself and he hasn’t had a reply from me since.

First date – Sun 2nd April – Tinder: Forced myself to put on the amazing outfit I’d planned for the night before to go on a duty date.  Within 15 mins the guy had informed me he had “lost” his home as he’d been unemployed for a period of time and now lived rent free in some warehouse, attractive I think not. 20 minutes into the date I learnt he was a smoker which is a deal breaker. As soon as I’d finished my drink 45mins in I got up and left.

First date – Tue 11th April – POF: First ever POF date since I started doing the rules, in 10+ years of using POF on again / off again, I’ve been on a total of 3 dates from the site including this one. Not sure why when everyone else I know that is out there dating raves about this as a top free site, I’ve had no luck at all on it.  Before my date I shared the ugly mugshot of my date with two friends I’ve made though my coach.  To my chagrin both had spoken to my date and one had been on two dates with him.  They shared their experience so I was ready to give the guy his 90mins of duty date time.  He looked as sad as his picture and was a little short of a full set.  Insisted on buying me dinner, seemed sweet and pleasant enough.  He seemed very impressed that I lived with a friend in my own place, even though I’d told him I was renting and it was a house share.  So when the topic was brought up again by him, I asked about his living arrangements.  Turned out this 41 year old man, who has never married, still lived with his parents.  He briefly moved out to live with friends but when that didn’t work out, and he was vague about the details on why, he returned home.  I decided I didn’t want dessert and made tracks as soon as he’d paid the bill.

First date – Thurs 20th April – Badoo: Between working solid for 12 – 20 hours I’d occasionally swipe and message men and this one managed to arrange a date.  Overall he was better looking than I’d expected, while a bit huskier than my usual type I was attracted to him.  He made me laugh and we had a nice date.  Had I heard from him again I’d have agreed to see him again but I never did and honestly I’m not disappointed.

Yep, went from having 3 – 4 dates in a week to 3 in a month.  But have been running out of swipes on tinder again and hope to get back on track very soon.

Thanks for reading!

Dating Diva xx

Doubling down

Dating update w/c Mar 13/17 – YTD first dates 19

When I completed the review of all my emails on Sunday 12th March post dead-zone I had accepted 10 date requests.  Of the 10 most didn’t get into logistics and only 4 first dates were agreed and one actually happened.  I had a total of 2 dates this week, one first and one second with the same guy, which is concerning as that isn’t actually allowed but then it was all within the rules framework so not sure if I should have handled it differently.

First date – Thurs 16th Mar – OKC – This guy’s first text was only one short question, and I wanted to delete him as I wasn’t attracted to his profile picture which was quite dark and difficult to see.  Unfortunately the question was a personalised one based on what I’d written on my profile so within the rules I decided to give him 4 messages.  In 3 he had asked me out, and got my number by our forth exchange.  He messaged right away and then we began the lengthy exchange of arranging a date which took a month.  By the time we had agreed on a suitable date I didn’t remember what he looked like or how we had met. I remember thinking he was a duty date and was looking for essentially an Indian “freshie.”

I turned up at our agreed location and then just stood in a spot hoping this guy would wave or catch my eye.  As I did a slow spin a tall man that looked a bit like Mick Jagger in his glory days if he had a great tan waved at me.  I paused to make sure he was indeed waving at me before walking over to him.  The minute I heard his voice I knew I was in trouble.  While not at all my usual type, the only thought in my head was I want to kiss those lips!  His voice was lovely and when he informed me that he worked as a voice over artist I believed without a shadow of doubt he earned good money.  As the date progressed he mentioned how he had seen all the same people on all the apps and asked if I’d experienced the same. Figured there was no point pretending I was only on one app as he would see me on something else for sure, if he hadn’t already.  So I decided to just rip off the Band-Aid right away.  With my eyes as wide as they would open, with as innocent a face as I could muster up, (channelling guilty puppy face) I stated I honestly didn’t remember which app I’d met him on.  I knew if he got angry I would have my answer, he wasn’t an alpha and couldn’t handle rules dating.  When he laughed out and shook his head saying, “you are unbelievable” the test was complete.  He reminded me of where we had met and then we moved on to other topics.

Not long after my confession he asked if I would like to meet him again and I agreed.  He then asked what I was doing over the weekend.  This I always find a bit of a trick question as it could just be making conversation or it could be trying to pin you down.  So I simply stated, “I’m sure someone will remind me” which he also found funny and then asked if I’d like to see him on Sun.  As it was Thursday, I could within the 3 day rule accept a date for Sun.  That said we are not supposed to go on more than one date a week until established as a couple so normally I would have said no.  However, I feel on a first date the track record of guys actually following through on their date requests after the fact is less than 10%, so not worth discouraging the request. The general advice I’ve received is you just say sure, sounds good and wait for them to pin you down. So I did just that and this one pinned me down.

 

Second date – Sunday 19th Mar – OKC –  He called 48hrs later while I was at the gym and when  I got out I had 4 text messages and within one of them he had nexted himself by offering to cook me dinner. Mate I met you once for 45 mins and you think I’m going to show up at yours for dinner? Seriously???  Anyway, I gave the standard, “prefer to go out” answer and it was accepted and we met in my area again.  Had a nice lunch and then he asked if I had to be headed somewhere.  I said I had a bit more time as it had only been one hour on the date so we wandered about to find a place for a drink.

 

While there were many options he was looking for something loungy and I discovered later why this was the case.  In an attempt to find a place we went to a bar that had several floors, but as it was Sunday one was closed and we found ourselves in an empty stairwell.  He tried to grab my hand at this point and my spidey senses said “run”.  So I pulled my first and only door open on the date and got into the main building and jumped into a fuller lift going to the next floor.  Unfortunately the rather perfect location was fully booked so we headed out.  On the lift ride down we were alone and he leaned in for a kiss. What happened next was an out of body experience where I found myself looking down on the unrulesly version of me, tilting my head towards his beautiful lips and enjoying the kiss, while the rules girl in me stared with disapproval. I didn’t pull away but it ended quickly (or so it felt) when the lift arrived at its destination. We were both very red in the face not because we were flushed, but because my lipstick was everywhere!  He told me not to reapply it, though when he went to find some tissues I reapplied my lipstick, stating I didn’t what to have to do that again.

 

Aside: Kissing with the rules:

An unexpected outcome of the rules is that I seem to really enjoy the kisses I get.  In the past before the rules, I was very uncomfortable with both kissing and sex as I felt I needed to be good at these activities and the need to be good deterred from my ability to enjoy these pleasures.  There were only a handful of times that I kissed a guy pre-rules where I felt real sparks.  With the rules I’ve learnt to listen and let the man lead and so that has yielded better results.  This has relieved me of the burden of needing to be good as I am to simply accept the offer or reject not meet said offer.  Hence when before every kiss was a minefield of what do I do with my tongue or how do I respond to that movement, now it is simply breathe, relax and remember to pull away first.  I’m very much looking forward to sex with the rules and most unfortunately looking forward to sex with Mr. Voice regardless of the rules ….

We finally found a pub he liked and while he went to get me a drink from the bar I found a two seater table in public view to sit at and placed bag and jacket on the open side of my seat as I now knew what he was hoping for.  He moved my jacked and sat next to me and then proceeded to try and kiss me.  As tempting as it was I knew that we had already gone past the recommended amount of kissing so I simply said I didn’t know him very well.  We started chatting and before he knew it he had shared some personal details that he hadn’t intended to as at the end of it he looked at me bewildered and asked how we had gotten on that subject.  Then he said, so you know me better now can I have a kiss and I just laughed, it was endearing but would I have felt that had I not been attracted to him?

Over the course of the next hour he tried to kiss me several times and succeeded twice.  Finally I asked to leave and he asked for a kiss before I left and I said I’d consider if upon my exit, given he was in the way of said exit.  He then moaned that I didn’t like him and I shrugged, so he asked me out again and I said sounds good. He proposed some dates and I remained vague.  He said he would call and if I didn’t answer he would text.  This made me a bit happy, that while this one was too cute and slobbery to train properly at least some of it was working.

Overall, looking back on this date now that every one of my nerve endings has seized to be on fire I think:

Did he treat me with respect?

Would I have liked this if I wasn’t attracted to him?

Would he treat his dream girl this way?

The answer to all of to the above is NO.  I don’t think this guy is Mr. Right, but I think I need to date him as I’ll learn about my own tolerance levels and what I need to be mindful of when I do meet Mr Right.  Or I’m simply talking myself into this because I just want to kiss this guy some more!!!  I don’t know if my desire for sex will derail my desire for finding Mr Right but whatever happens as always I will learn and better myself from the experience.

Thanks for reading!!

Dating Diva xx

The One and Lonely

Dating update w/c Mar 06/17 – YTD first dates 18

Another really busy week with work, but I agreed to 1 date on Thursday and 4 dates on Friday simply to be able to stack them.  I knew historically at least one would flake.  In the end Thurs rescheduled, 2 Friday dates flaked and one asked to move to next week leaving only one date for this week.

First date – Fri 10th Mar – Tinder – With some renewed interest from my professional pictures I’m getting a lot of personalised messages from men I’m not so keen on, I’m on 9 dating sites & apps and Tinder is the only one where within the rules I can genuinely select who I speak to.  So I’ve decided to get quite picky with my Tindering.  Only men that spark joy in me when they send a message are entertained on Tinder which meant my one and only date of the week was a good’un.

I found him very attractive and actually thought he looked better than his profile pictures, he had a good job, seemed ambitious, a home owner and his hobby was classic cars as he owned one, yay! Another bonus was that he had looked into the university I attended and discovered I was Canadian which showed both interest (flattering) and intelligence.  He cracked me up with the way he complained about my short tinder responses.  He asked me if I like to travel and I simply answered “yes”, not launching into my latest holiday and how much fun I have as a singleton.  He then teased me about how that was my Tinder answer, stating that he hadn’t actually expected me to agree to meet with him.  Anyway, while he was very charming, there were a fair few long pauses in the conversation and I did feel his brain was processing something but I’m not sure that the churning wheels were leading to a conclusion I would want.  At the end of the date I got the distinct feeling I’d not be hearing from him again.  Which is a shame but at least it was a lovely way to end a very long week!

Thanks for reading,

Dating Diva xx

Duty dating

Dating update w/c Feb 27/17 – YTD first dates 17

Last week I was exceptionally busy with work and helping my housemate with her wedding so I did not have time to swipe on Tinder.  That said I had a couple of weeks prior got some absolutely amazing professional photos done and gone ahead and updated all my profiles with new photos.  This yielded a flurry of new messages that I barely had time to respond to.  Even with replies once every 48hr or longer I ended up agreeing to meet 6 men!  I cringed as I said yes because with working 12 – 14 hr days and weekends due to a key work deadline I was unable to actually go on the dates I was agreeing to.  This did, however, give me the advantage of filtering out anyone not too keen.  Only two dates materialised, and neither were guys I’d been excited to me.

First Date – Tue 28th Feb – Happn – He wasn’t my type but sent me a charm so I decided to give him 4 messages, during which he acquired my number and called to lock in a date.  He insisted on meeting for “coffee” at 6pm which annoyed me as I’d have preferred meeting during the afternoon given we both worked in the same area.  But he did pick a bar very close to my office which was the only saving grace of the entire date.  I had to push the date back to 7pm as an urgent meeting was scheduled for 6pm, and when I arrived I was quite mentally exhausted.  I tried to convince myself this was a good thing as I could just sit and sip my drink and relax. To my surprise it really did help as the date was extremely awkward so having work at the forefront of my mind meant I was able to zone out and just think about work during the many awkward silences. While, used to the silences after many first dates I wasn’t prepared for the awkward comments like “ah you are wearing the dress from your profile picture, it must be your favourite.”  What am I to say to that?  “yes, I live in this dress”.  Better comments received from other suitors have been, “you look great”, “that dress really suits you”, “that is your colour” and “oh, so glad you wore the dress from your profile picture you look really hot in it!”  Anyway, I gave him an awkward smile.  He then stated the following comments none of which helped his cause:

“I take an uber to work every day both ways, cheaper than owning a car”

“I can fly a plane, I used to own one”, sorry mate just not buying that.

“India has a better quality of life, you can have a live in maid, chef, chauffer. Really dislike having to sort things out for myself”, go back then!

He was also very weird about ordering, made a point of asking about the non-alcoholic drinks, then instead of picking a juice combination already on the menu he asked for one to be made with an unusual combination of fruit and veg.  When his slug arrived, his face expressed that it tasted as unappetising as it looked.

When his hour was finally up and I said I had to get going, however, instead of trying to get the bill or making any attempt to wrap things up he simply stated “so good for one but no second date huh?” I just didn’t know what to say as I don’t feel the need to sooth a grown man’s ego and he wasn’t really asking me out again so I just stated I was tired.  Then he unhelpfully pointed out he had an earlier start than me most days. Eventually when he made no attempt to release me from my prison, I simply got up, said good bye and walked out.  NEXT

First date – Fri 3rd Mar – OKC – He was sweet, chatty and fairly good company.  Having decided to give myself over to the rules process, I try not to focus on the looks though his short, round figure while cute in a childish way did nothing for me.  As he chatted on I went through my check list, what does he bring to the table to enhance my life?  The thing that became clear as he spoke was he had no ambition.  Having been made redundant from a lucrative IT role in the financial sector he had settled into a similar lower pressure job with a local council where hours and benefits were good but progression and pay lacking.  He now eagerly awaited being made redundant from this role as he was aware he was doing the job of an analyst being paid a manager’s salary and he had no interest in stepping.  This was more off putting to me than his looks and I wrapped up the date in an hour so I could return to the office.  I was hoping he would eventually disappear if I didn’t reply to his messages but he has sent me several messages in the past week looking to meet up when he returns from his holiday.  I was planning on sending a no-spark text, however, my coach’s voice seems to be in my head going, “don’t dismiss the keen ones even if you don’t like them, they can surprise  you”  so now I’m going to give him one more chance.  The rules are fairly effective at weeding out the unambitious as you need drive to date a rules girl, they never are easy to get and if a guy doesn’t fight for the betterment of his own life how will he manage the chase?

Guess I will find out soon enough, until next time.

Thanks for reading,

Dating Diva xx

Dating update w/c Feb 20/17 – YTD first dates 15

Going through the motions:

Skipped the update last week as there were no first dates.  It was valentines’ day week and generally given there wasn’t anyone I considered special enough to see that day I blanked the week.  This did have a knock on impact on this week so only 1 first date.

First date – Tue Feb 21st  – EliteSingles – This guy poofed prior to our date a few weeks back but when he asked again I decided to give him a chance.  It was a really convenient coffee date in the middle of the work day. We both work in the same area so were able to meet up in a coffee shop less than 10 mins from our respective offices.  On our date I discovered he had worked for my company for a number of years and we knew a fair few people in common including my housemate.  The date was fairly average, he wasn’t my type but I’d gone along as with the rules I don’t add a layer of my own preference, I just go with the framework.  Usually most men never follow though for a second date so I really just enjoy the experience and what it teaches me about myself.  When I came home I asked my housemate if she knew the guy and it turned out they both had changed jobs and were once again working on the same floor in the new company.  Not mentioned on this profile was the fact that he was very recently divorced with a baby that was no more than 3 years old.  Both are not appealing pieces of information to me.  He has not asked to meet again so I will release this with the knowledge that I LOVE having coffee dates as they take minimal time and effort.

Third date – Sun 26th Feb – Tinder – this is the promising date zero from the last post, who was my only date last week and asked me out again for this week.  While he did start out as a contender, his second date was a repeat of our DZ, as in he showed up in my area and asked me to take him somewhere.  Then he nexted himself by first suggesting that he come around to mine for brunch for our third date, he’d bring the champagne.  I followed the script and replied, “Thanks, but I prefer to go out.”   His suggestion for the super casual date not only revealed his intentions but also made clear that he really doesn’t listen to what I say.  Being a follower of the rules I say very little on dates, and on our last date I imparted 3 nuggets of information not already on my profile.  They were that I don’t cook, enjoy watching movies and love Prosecco.  I don’t like Prosecco because it is cheaper than Champagne, I like it because of the dry light taste and generally consistent experience due to how the wine is processed. Not that these strong preferences were shared, but I do state on my profile that I like Italian food so why would I then prefer to pair it with a French wine when the Italian alternative is fantastic? So I can only assume given the message arrived at 8am the next morning he was thinking with his downstairs brain. Anyway, I was hoping he would poof but he managed to navigate my limited responses to secure a third date. And for the third week in a row he showed up to my area and asked me to take him somewhere nice as I was the “local expert”, to which I replied, “really think Google is a local expert, I’m just finding my way”.  So he picked the third decent restaurant in my area (previously provided as an option on prior dates) and we went there. At the end of the date he asked me to split the bill and it made me super happy as that meant I could now within the rules decline any further date requests from him.

It does seem silly that I would not just rule out a guy when he failed to impress me but I have decided for this year to give myself over to the rules entirely.  I practice the rules with an open mind and the belief that “everything always works out for me.”  What I’m discovering is that taking away my “bias” and prejudice from the process is teaching me things about myself that I wasn’t aware of as I would never go out of my comfort zone enough to uncover them.  I’m really enjoying this journey of self-discovery and I’m glad to have a few readers to keep me going.

Thanks for reading,

Dating Diva xx

Dating update w/c Feb 6/17 – YTD first dates 14

The Balancing Act:

This has been a really great week with 4 dates in total over the weekend. I agreed to go on 7 dates this week, I forgot about 2 of these dates until they reminded me. For this entry I will also share some of my other non-dating activities of the week as they have generally challenged my commitment to finding Mr. Right, and I’m really proud of what I was able to accomplish given the constraints on my time.

The Promotion:

At the end of last year I got promoted and started a new job within the same company.  The promotion has also led to a lot more time commitment to work.  As soon as I heard I had succeeded in securing the role I called my dating coach India Kang and we agreed a strategy which I feel has really helped me this week.  Hence colouring this week’s narrative with my work related activities to provide a fuller picture.

The top three things we agreed to help me balance my dating was to firstly make the men come to the area I work in.  This was a big no for me before as I had bumped into a few of my colleagues when I was dating last year.  But this year, we agreed I didn’t have much of a choice. It is also the reason I navigate my dates to a certain bar when I can as it tends not to attract too may colleagues.  Another thing we agreed was dating over the weekend rather than being available through the week.  Finally we decided I would qualify the date where possible so I didn’t spend my time on low quality dates.  While these strategies seem logical trying to achieve these within the rules can be tricky and India gave me an arsenal of tools to help me handle these challenges.

The Team:

My new team consists of a lot more people within 10 years of my age and I’ve known some of them several years as we’ve worked on shared projects.  There are also 3 other single 30 something women in my new team who are all actively dating. While tempting, I avoid discussing my personal dating with all but one woman who is my confidant and support when I need to dash for dates. As I’m new to the team I do feel some obligation to socialise with my team mates, who are all quite easy to spend time with. However, I’m conscious of not falling into old habits of letting my life hinder my search for Mr. Right.

The Events:

Team drinks – Thurs Feb 9th – Was supposed to go on a date but he poofed, which was fortunate as I got asked for a report at 5pm and ended up working until 8pm. Then the entire team went for drinks, which continued until the bar closed and we found the only restaurant serving dinner, returning home at 1am. When asked by the youngest of my team mates, if I was seeing someone, I simply said, “I have a cat” I’m not sure if that was the best response but it easily changed to subject. I did discover that he, along with a few other team members thought I was in my 20s which was extremely flattering.

First date – Fri Feb 10th – EliteSingles – My first date off this “premium” membership site where you pay extra to be matched with men in a similar earnings band to you.  I had been unimpressed by a few of the guys I’d chatted to off the site but this one seemed pretty straightforward.  He didn’t look my type but by no means looked unattractive. He was a GP which makes him the first doctor I think I’ve ever dated.  The date was quite boring, and I got the feeling he wasn’t particularly well adjusted socially. I doubt I’ll hear from him again as there was zero connection but a pleasant experience overall.  Ended the date after 90mins so as to return to work and continued to work for 2 hrs, leaving at 10pm.

First date – Sat Feb 11th – Tinder – I’d swiped this guy last year and agreed to go on a date with him then but he never followed up with logistics until last week.  We were supposed to meet in the afternoon (as I don’t take DZ requests for Sat evening).  However, he only thought to finalise details of where and when on the day and ended up suggesting we meet 7:30pm. From his message I got the impression he was hoping to get me drunk and see if he got lucky which I normally try and avoid.  However, I’d been convinced by the girls at work to go to a ball with them which started at 9:30pm so I thought why not have the date enroute given I’d be getting glammed up anyway.  I’m glad I did, if only for the ego boost I received from my date’s reaction to my outfit.  He was on the younger end of my age range and to my chagrin when I checked his profile tinder changed his age downward!! He turned out to be far better looking than his pics, and I was cougarishly attracted to him.  He asked a lot of naff questions that showed his immaturity but wasn’t rude when I said I had to dash 45mins in.  He even offered to settle up after I left so as not to keep me.  Wasn’t expecting to hear from him but bless he sent me a message to say he was glad to meet me and hoped I enjoyed the rest of the evening.  I usually ignore non date related messages post-date but in his case I made an exception as in my rush I didn’t do the obligatory “Thanks, it was lovely to meet you” good bye.

The Ball – Sat Feb 11th – With the girls from work, one of whom arrived with 3 age appropriate, newly single male friends, yum!  It was a really great venue and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.  I wouldn’t say I met anyone I could date but it was nice to get out of my work/date/exercise/sleep/ repeat pattern and let my hair down.  Unfortunately I only managed to get back home at 2am and I was due to meet my next date at 11am!

First date – Sun Feb 12th – Tinder (11am) – Second Austrian I’ve dated this year, also on the younger side of the age range, yet he was overall far more mature than the previous guy and very engaging on the date.  He led very well too, deciding the annoyingly early time which I felt I had to accept as the request was so authoritative, gets me every time (blush). However, when he suggested I came to his part out town I bluntly asked him to meet me 10mins from my home.  Given my late finish I was so glad I only had a short walk that I could manage in heels. He opted to take me to the newly opened restaurant that I’ve been dying to check out but haven’t had the time to and also suggested we share our brunch which he selected. All of which was just the biggest turn on, even though he wasn’t a particularly attractive guy.  He asked me interesting and engaging questions and everything he shared about himself was endearing. I would really like to see him again.

First date – Sun Feb 12th – OKC (3pm) – When I requested this guy meet me in my area, he found a bowling alley only a 5 min walk from my house for our date.  He was really not my type, but sent me a personalised message, was very articulate in his communication and navigated the rules extremely well.  Bowling was a great, I’d been to another bowling first date a few years back and the guy had just creeped me out by starting at my T&A overtly as we played while making really awkward conversation.  This guy however, was really charming, asked the most interesting questions and given I follow the rules and don’t give a lot away, his deductive powers showed a lot of intelligence.  Unfortunately, I found out he had only been in the country 3 months and was on a 6 month secondment from Barbados. While my entry into the UK was under similar circumstances, my qualification were very transferable, however as a Lawyer, he would have to re-train if he chose to extend his stay so it was unlikely.  My hopes of being swept off to Barbados with a dashing lawyer were also dashed when he failed to offer me a drink while bowling or after to try and extend the date.  Suspect he is looking for a good time casual girl to show him around London and has lost interest upon establishing I’m unlikely to provide this service.  Oh well….

I was supposed to go on a third date which was confirmed on the day but he didn’t really clarify where we were meeting so I waited with my makeup and jewellery on for him to follow up.  Was super relieved when he didn’t as I was shattered.  Well that was my really fun and intense week.  I’m not sure if I’ll actually go on any dates next week.  I’m generally blanking Valentine ’s Day with the belief that it is the last one I’ll spend single.  Also, due to all my work and play commitments the gym suffered so need to get back to in next week.

As always thanks for reading!

Dating Diva xxx

Dating update w/c Jan 30/17 – YTD first dates 10

The BETA:

So in spite of agreeing to go on dates with at least 6 men and having 3 of them confirm, date, time and location only one date materialised on the last day of the week. One poofed after failing to move the date earlier and the other cancelled last minute without rescheduling. I’m still on track for my goal, and with 10 dates I’m 10% done against my goal!

First date – Sun Feb 5th  – Tinder:  Logistics for this date were painful to navigate but I feel the need to share as it all builds up to a rather large vent. Needless to say he was a next but read on if you are curious to learn how he successfully murdered my light and breeziness.

After over a month of slow messaging via the app he finally got to fixing a date and then asked if I’d meet him in Greenwich which is an area I can walk to from my house but a bit out of the way.  Also, it felt like he was asking me to come to him so I decided to stick to my usual very popular and developed tube station.

While he agreed to meet me at my chosen location he asked me to suggest where we could go, I ignored the comment and responded by requesting at time.  Then he called me to ask me where to go in the area, to which I provided a vague response about there being a choice of bars to pick from.  Then he asked me how he could get to the suggested meeting point, this really tested my patience!! How can a man that navigated an app to find me, not know how to look up directions on the internet?  When I pretended not to understand the question he seemed to mumble some options of how he could come to meet me.  We agreed a slot between 6 -7pm.  At 4pm he called again we confirmed the date for around 7pm and then he asked me if there was parking where we were meeting.  At this point I’d lost all interest in meeting him and just said “Sorry I don’t drive maybe you can look it up on google”.  If he hadn’t been the only date I had for the week I think I would have just asked to reschedule and poofed.  (The things I do as a commitment to this blog!)

At 7pm I arrived at the meeting point but didn’t exit the station as I had a bad feeling he was going to find the ordeal of navigating from 20 mins away too much to handle.

At 7:05pm he called me to say he had just got his car from the garage and he was going to head my way via a particular travel option.  He asked how long it would take me to get to the agreed location, at this point I had lost all the light and breezy in me and I simply stated, “I’m … here, figured you would have used your phone prior to now to communicate delays.”  He then proceeded to mumble a lot of “oh dears, I’m so sorry, excuse, excuse, excuse”.  Eventually he begged me to get a coffee as he rushed over.  Then I got a text 20 mins later informing me of his progress on his chosen route.

He then called at 7:40pm to inform me he had arrived at the agreed station, but instead of being a man and asking me where he could find me he decided to be child and ask me how he could get to me, helpfuly stating,  “I’m at this section of the station.”  I told him I was at a bar in xyz location.  He then asked me if he should turn left or right from where he was.  I told him to use a map.  I’m sure none of this was rulesy but let’s face it this guy is not an Alpha male. Furthermore, given the difficulty he had navigating the 20km distance from his comfort zone near his home to the general centre of the city he supposedly lives in I’m sure he was on the lower end of the IQ scale.  He then informed me he would ask some poor chap for directions and eventually got a stranger to hold his adult hand to escort him to me. (I’m being sarcastic about the last bit)

Upon arrival he didn’t take charge, he simply begged me to lead the way so we walked into the bar closest to the station we met at. Once we settled in with our drinks and he was done apologising I discovered that he had no kids but an adult (25 yr old) daughter.  The depression that set upon me when I realised that I was old enough to be dating men that had adult children was beyond off-putting.

If it wasn’t abundantly clear this idiot was beta, he proved it by not making any attempt to lead the date he was currently on but simply offering to buy me dinner another time to make up for his general inadequacy as a man.  I thought you couldn’t even offer me a decent drink or plan a date outside of one square mile of your house how exactly are you going to achieve taking me to dinner?  I said, “sure, sounds great”  I remember this response was so hard for me only 6 months ago when I started rules dating that I argued with India Kang (my coach) about being dishonest when I had no intention of following through on a second meeting.  I remember her explaining that 99% of these guys will not need any follow through as they will fail to follow up on the next date. Now agreement to all the nonsense men spout on dates just happens so naturally as my mind wanders about whatever actually matters to me.

He spent the date going on about how nervous he was to come and meet me as we hadn’t spoken much and so he hadn’t chatted me up to ask me out. I kept thinking I’m here moron why don’t you use these “infamous” chat up lines that you keep telling me you didn’t get a chance to use on me beforehand.

Anyway a lot of smiling and nodding later he asked 40mins into the date how I was doing on time and I said I’d better be heading home.  As we walked to the station he mused about how where we were was so close to where he lives that he should really come here more often, it was so nice with such a lot going on.  It took real restraint not to swing my purse at his head.

Worst of all he tried to kiss me on the lips after that pathetic attempt at a date, he wasn’t too shy to attempt getting his filthy grey teeth on my lips – NO WAY!!!

He has since texted asking me out for dinner, I’m ignoring I’m not a saint and I can’t handle light and breezy around him.  I’m sure my coach would tell me this is great practice for when I’m married but I know I’ll at least love the fool I marry, not putting up with idiots….

Oh gosh, didn’t realise how much I needed to vent about this one…

Thanks for reading!

Dating diva xxx

Dating update w/c Jan 23/17 – YTD first dates 9

Total dates this week 2, both first dates, and only arranged 2 so had they not worked out I would not have hit my quota.  I can honestly say that had I not made a commitment to a 100 first dates and this blog this would have been the week that broke my resolve.  Anyway, I survived and here is the update for the “Blob” date.  The guys this week were so similar they deserve only one entry.

Blob Date:

First date – Tue/Thurs Jan 24/26  – Tinder:  Both my dates were on the “few extra pounds” side of the scale, around 5ft10, with light eyes, dirty blonde hair and generally attractive faces.  They both asked me out and then failed to plan anything, I had to tell them my time and place preferences and they just simply showed up at the meeting point.

The Location:

When this happens I do end up navigating them to my preferred wine bar as it has good cheap wine, soft jazz /house in the background, comfy seating, table service (so I don’t have to watch the guy when he goes to the bar to get me a drink in case he decides to slip something into it), and most importantly snacks.  We usually meet around 7pm, but the Rules recommends not having dinner on the first meeting as that can take longer than the max 2 hrs, this bar is perfect as they have very accessible and healthy snack options and every other date will order something for us to munch on which is a lifesaver.  While the rules requires that the man chooses the place, my coach India Kang had written in her book “How to date” that majority of her dates took her to the same place.  I asked her about it as it was a nice place and she said, “well you take them to the main street and point out a few options for them to pick. If you say a particular place is nice they will usually pick the place you compliment to impress you.”  Job done!

The Navigation:

This is how it goes down, they ask where, I say XYZ tube station, they say where around there so I say the clocks which is a landmark or they pick one of the bars right outside the station.  We meet, we walk into one of the 4 bars around the station, they quickly realise it is far too loud and crowded to have a decent conversation and look at me for a suggestion. I tell them the bars on the other side of the shopping centre are quieter and then we walk across the retail section, as we come out the other end the atmosphere is a lot less busy and most of the guys start to relax.  I then point to the options, the pubs by the canal, my favourite bar, and some other bars in restaurants. They usually go lets go to the wine bar or ask do you want to go there and I say, “up to you, maybe full” which then implies it is popular and seals the deal. I feel slightly evil, but they do feel it is their choice and some will even pat themselves on the back for picking the bar, the intelligent ones will thank me for introducing them to it.

The Problem:

Not sure if the above may have alluded you to the problem but here is what happened.  I took two very similar looking men to the same bar 48 hrs apart.  On the second occasion, the bar manager comes up to us and goes, “You two can’t get enough of each other, and back here again! Can’t keep away, I love it.” Look on my face pure mortification, my date looked thoroughly confused. Then my date said, “this is the first time I’ve been here”, now the bar manager looked confused and I didn’t know where to look as I was sure he was going to twig these were two different dates.

Bar manager to my date, “You have a very familiar face, I thought I’d recognised you”

Date, “Oh yes I’m on channel 5”, which prompted my face to go from mortification to quizzical

Bar manager, “No way, which show, I knew I recognised you”

Date, “Have you seen the show about the… I’m just kidding, I’m not on TV”

Bar manager, “ha ha you had me there”

Then a bromance ensued, resulting in us both ordering a second glass of wine.  I normally only have one glass and then some water but I needed some liquid courage after nearly being made!

Fortunately my date thought the bar manager was just being friendly and complimented the service.  I smiled and nodded generally relieved that I wasn’t caught out.

Conclusion:

I never heard from the Tues date and I didn’t expect to, on the date he established we worked in a similar field and would likely run into each other with work so I watched him talk himself out of a second date in front of me. He subsequently unmatched me from Tinder, I didn’t mind, think he was intelligent enough to have worked out that simply having a well-paying job and a nice flat wasn’t going to impress me and he didn’t want to actually put in any more effort so happy he got to his conclusion quickly.

Thursday date I had significantly more chemistry with, he was a chatty guy and I liked everything he said.  Both men asked intelligent and interesting question rather than the usual rubbish that I get asked so they were good company, but this one somehow just clicked better.  At the end of the evening, when we said good night he grabbed the back of my head and went in for a kiss on the lips.  I really didn’t like it and ducked out from under his hand. He then said come on I’ve embarrassed myself now. Pre the rules I would have felt bad or even allowed the guy to kiss me to know that he liked me.  Post the rules I was offended and didn’t care that he felt embarrassed.  I did a Sorry (not sorry at all) giggled and walked away.  He sent a text apologising for being “fresh” I ignored it and hoped that would be the end of it.  Unfortunately he has asked me out again so I guess I’ll give him a go.  Second dates are usually a lot better than the first as it is harder for the guys to lock me down a second time and in doing so I’ve usually warmed a bit more to them so generally more appreciative of their efforts and happier to see them.  We shall see if he succeeds in securing a second date…

Thanks for reading,

Dating Diva xx