The Italian Job

Dating update w/c Jul 24/17 – YTD first dates 42

Second week back on all the dating apps and after agreeing to 6 dates I had 2 materialise.  Two dates rescheduled to next week, one poofed and one called me an hour before our agreed meeting time pretending he had forgotten what we had planned.  I didn’t want to remind him of our agreed plan as it felt too eager.  The guy tried to change the time of our date from Sat afternoon to Sat night, which I wouldn’t have minded had he just been honest about running late.  But he went about it by pretending not to remember and when I didn’t assist, insisting that I wanted to meet him Sat night and then when I said I had plans so I don’t believe I would have agreed to it he got upset.  After we hung up he sent me a rude text asking me to delete his number.  This only made me laugh as I barely replied to his texts and missed more calls from him than I accepted, so why would he need me to delete his number, it wasn’t exactly being used was it?  He then followed up the text with a few badly written messages on the dating app which resulted in him getting blocked.  Though in one of his grammatically incorrect messages he did admit to lying to me but said the way I spoke to him was very rude and uncalled for. So clearly I lost out big time on meeting my prince charming, NOT.

First date – Thu 28^th Jul – Tinder: Started speaking to this guy back before my hiatus and he didn’t seemed phased by my 3 week absence from messaging.  I did like his persistence and even though English was not his first language he was able to lock me down for a date.  Now that I’ve been following the Rules for just over a year I am no longer phased by men complaining about how they can’t get me to go on a date with them.  If a guy that has been in the country for a only a few months and doesn’t speak the language can find a way to get me to meet him then I’m clearly not impossible to get.  Also, it has nothing to do with looks or how attractive the guy’s profile is as I didn’t even remember what this guy looked like as it was so long since we matched.  As it happened he was, shorter than me in modest heels and looked like the Jewish engineer on Big Bang Theory, with the super tight skinny jeans, big nose and bad hair to match.  To make matters worse he had strong body odour and pungent bad breath.  A winner!

As soon as I met him I wanted to accept the offer of help from the cute copper who was trying to chat me up while I waited for my date. When he asked for a locale suggestion I navigated in the grey rules space and took him straight to my favourite wine bar. If I was going to spend an hour with a smelly Howard Wolowitz I needed to be in the company of good wine.  Once we were settled in my favourite corner the date flourished.  He convinced me to go for the slightly more expensive red on the menu which was delightful as was his personality.  I had planned on running after the first glass was drunk but when he finished his he asked if I wanted another glass.  I declined the offer so he stated he would get one for himself.  I wasn’t sure what to do as I hadn’t quite finished mine, but there wasn’t enough to keep him company for a second glass.  He left the table to order his glass and when he returned he stated he ordered me one as well. I was surprised and gave him the, “are you pulling my leg” look but he assured me he had ordered the second glass but I didn’t have to drink it if I didn’t want to.  When we had seated he had asked if I wanted to order some snacks but I’d declined as I hadn’t planned on giving him 2 hrs. However, now seated in my favourite bar, in my favourite spot with wine that was better than my usual really satisfying order and fairly decent company I decided I’d enjoy that second glass with the bar’s really yummy olives. So I asked if I could have some given he had ordered me a second glass and I couldn’t drink without nibbling.  At this point he laughed and said, “yes, when waiter brings me my glass I will order your glass and olives so you will stay”.  I really did enjoy his ingenuity in getting me to give him another hour of my time. He even clocked on that I drank the second glass faster.  What he doesn’t know is that every other date that I’ve ended at the bar I’ve escaped to my office so as not to get on the train with the guy, but I actually let him have the extra 15 mins of commute to the train station and the ride to my stop.

He has given me the weekend to decide if I’d like to go to his sister’s traditional Italian wedding with him in September and asked to see me again next week.  Even though I am very likely to be sailing by the wedding venue in September his personality doesn’t mask his BO so I doubt I’ll see him again.

 

First date – Sun 30^th Jul – Tinder: Wasn’t uber keen to meet him as his English was poor and then when I checked his profile once the date was confirmed I noticed a picture of him smoking which had I seen it before I would never have agreed to the date.  As it happens he had quit smoking a month ago and was quite proud of this.  Unfortunately he still had yellow smoker’s teeth and worked as a chef at whole foods, not even a restaurant.  I think this is probably my 10^th Chef this year!  We had a coffee and when our drinks were done he suggested going for a walk in the nearby park, which I politely declined and bolted home.

Both dates this week were Italian and as I sat sipping a lovely Pinot Noir not really listening to my date talk on Thursday I realised I have a thing for Italian men.  At the start of the year I had on my profile that I liked Italian and Mexican cuisine.  My coach had suggested French but I adamantly stated I’d eat focaccia over a baguette, cannoli over a croissant and mozzarella over camembert any day! After it felt like every other date I went on was Italian, so I decided to change my food preferences to Thai and Mexican cuisine.  But I’m still dating Italians.  If you’d asked me a year ago if this was what I wanted I would have laughed.  By submitting to the rules and letting them lead me to dates rather then what I think I want I’ve learnt something interesting and the discovery fills me with joy.

Thanks for reading,

Dating Diva xx

Hiatus

Dating update w/c Jun 5/17 to w/c Jul 17/17 – YTD first dates 40

June and July were two lost months due to festivals and unexpected holidays. From the week commencing the 5^th of Jun to the second last week in July I went on four dates in total and only two of these were first dates which put me seriously behind on my dating goals. However, I’m still hopeful as in 2016 I went on 42 first dates in just 3 months from September to December so I can still turn this around.

First date – Tue 13^th Jun – Tinder (6pm): I had intentionally stacked this guy as I was due to have a second date with the guy I was really attracted to a few weeks back. This was a great way to get a drink in and the edge off.  Also, this guy was an employed lawyer while the second date was an unemployed lawyer.  The guy wasn’t particularly attractive or attentive, he didn’t think twice about making me stand in my heels holding my purse in one hand and a drink in the other.  So I didn’t feel even the smallest bit of guilt for using him to calm my nerves and making my exit in 45 mins.

Second date – Tue 13^th Jun – Tinder (7:30 pm): This was the only guy that suggested places within my dating area that demonstrated thought and the ability to plan.  When I tell men to pick somewhere near a particular station in most instances they choose to meet at the station entrance and then point to the first bar they see.  Occasionally they plan ahead to meet at the bar right outside the station.  I can count on the fingers of my hands the number of times a guy has actually picked somewhere special to meet at.  This one pushed the boundary of the area quite significantly and picked a popular river side pub.  When I arrived I was surprised at how busy the place was and nearly walked past my date who put his hand out to stop me.  He had held a seat at the bar next to him for me.  When I sat down I realised we are really close to each other and it made me very nervous.

As attracted as I was to this guy, I had been very unimpressed with him on several fronts. He had waited an entire week between asking me out and pinning me down for a date.  He had not asked for my number and kept our conversation on the app. As much as I date a lot so I’m not pining for a guy, I pined for this one which only served to annoy me.  It felt like all the progress I had made this year had been wiped.  He also suggested “catching up” and “grabbing a drink” for our second date which was essentially what we had done for our first date.  Finally, the day before our date he had suggested that I could be “honest” with him if I wasn’t interested.  I was so annoyed by this message, I wanted to reply, “Honestly, I can’t muster up the excitement to catch-up with a guy that has sent fairly lack lustre messages and after already meeting me in my favourite drop dead dress isn’t convinced he need to try to impress me. Frankly I can’t understand why I’m still attracted to you.”  What I actually replied was “sure”.  I’d decided early on that if he didn’t offer to buy me dinner after the drink I’d be going home.  I’d learnt from my last second date that there was no need to allow a date to continue if the plan is not worthy of my time, attraction was not a good enough reason to accept bad behaviour.

The time with him flew by but he didn’t offer to buy me a second drink or dinner so 45 mins into the date I ended it.  I had a distinct feeling he wanted me to offer to buy him a drink.  When we left the pub I was sure that was the last I’d see of him.  But as we said our goodbyes outside of the pub he asked to see me again.  Before I could reply he started rambling on about how he didn’t know if I liked him and how I was really hard to read.  I knew for a fact that I’d been more me, more chatty and revealed more of me to him in the last 45 mins than I had to any guy I’d dated the past year.  How low was his self-esteem to not have seen my interest?  In the past year I’ve had men pursue me harder with having had less from me than he had. This knowledge was the only thing keeping me calm, cool and collected in the situation.  He babbled on for a bit more and I simply shrugged, my face showed the disappointment I felt that he didn’t see how interested I was in him, I didn’t bother to hide it, and it didn’t matter as he was so in his own head that he didn’t see it.  Eventually he asked to see me again and I agreed.  We picked a day and I headed home. Part of me had really wanted it to end with this date.  The way I felt about this guy was not something I could explain and his insecurities weren’t going to lead to what I needed from him.  He unmatched me a few days later, and I was relieved to shut the book on him.

Second date – Fri 16^th Jun – Tinder: This was the other really lovely date from the post Ibiza Monday dates.  Unlike the unemployed guy this one asked me for Friday evening so we could spend more time with me and offered dinner for the start.  The date was lovely, we had beautiful summer weather so after a drink at my local bar we had alfresco dining at my local Italian which is really very good food.  As much as I enjoyed this date and knew this guy was putting in a lot more effort than the other guy, I was aware I liked the other guy more.  I wasn’t sure if I was attracted to this guy at all.  When I went to use the restroom during our date I couldn’t help but check my phone which is when I learnt that I’d been unmatched by the other guy.  I was upset but didn’t let it show, arrived back to the table to discover the bill had been paid and we as we headed out my date grabbed me and planted one on me with confidence that was sexy enough to knock all thought of the other guy out of my head.

Second date – Tue 20^th Jun – Tinder: I saw the lawyer I’d stacked from the other week for another date and to my chagrin he decided it was ok to repeat our first date again down to the same bar and drinks.  I waited for him to offer food but no offer was made, at one point stated I couldn’t drink anymore as I hadn’t eaten which is when he suggested we go to a Thai restaurant in the area if I knew one given I’d stated I really liked Thai food.  However, he seemed to think he had all night to impress me and didn’t rush to accommodate dinner.  Unfortunately, I had a very special evening planned as I was meeting for the first time in person a virtual friend I’d made though becoming a Rules girl. Amy was visiting London from the States, and this was the only night I’d be able to see her so I decided to decline the afterthought dinner and headed out to meet my new friend.  This guy texted me a few times after our date but never asked me out again and I wasn’t bothered.

First date – Mon 26^th Jun – CMB:  I had only two nights between returning from Glastonbury and flying to Toronto, Canada.  So I tried to stack as many dates as I could on these days however only one date materialised.  When I saw my date in cargo shots and a tight t-shirt that showed the lack of physique I became painfully aware of how overdressed I was.  The whole date was unimpressive and the only thing memorable about this guy was the fact that he proudly stated that he was actively trying to put himself out there and was on several dating apps.  He proudly proclaimed that he had been on 11 first dates this year, expecting me to be impressed. I tried to look impressed as I smiled and nodded, but the only thought I had was if he only knew he was my 40^th first date of the year!

Thanks for reading,

Dating Diva xx

Actions speak louder than words

Dating update w/c May 29/17 – YTD first dates 38

Seven dates were confirmed early on in the week and 5 materialised of which 4 were first dates, overall a very good way to end the month.  As I was in Ibiza for half of the prior week anyone that asked me to meet over the weekend was offered the bank holiday Monday which was the day I flew back into town.  Four men were provided the opportunity to take me out on my one weekend day in London and two men succeeded. One guy got so hung up on the fact that my distance on the app increased to several hundred miles that instead of arranging the date he decided I was lying about my availability and is possibly still complaining about not being able to meet me on the Monday.  The other guy didn’t really bother locking me down on Monday then managed to book me for the Sat of the next week only to bail last minute but not before nexting himself by incorrectly using “you’re” instead of “your”.  I also managed to stack my dates on Wednesday but that wasn’t as effective as the Monday stack although it all worked out in the end and I did have some lovely dates.

First date – Mon 29^th May – Tinder (4pm): This guy was very specific on the date and time, though picked a lovely location when informed of my preferences.  He was also super tall (a foot taller than me) and informed me that he would be rectifying the situation by going under the knife later in the week to fuse two disks in his spine which would cause him to lose an inch of height.  Overall he delivered some really lovely stories and one was so funny that I cried with laughter which wasn’t ideal given the make-up needed to last for another date.  He asked me out on another date which I was delighted to accept and await his recovery post-surgery for logistics to be agreed.

First date – Mon 29^th May – Tinder (5:30pm):  I pushed this date back by 30 mins to allow me adequate stacking time.  Both dates were in London Bridge where the recent terrorist attacks took place, and now I’m quite shaken as I have on several occasions been at the location of the attack at the time of the attack on dates or social engagements therefore this attack did hit close to home. Apologies for the side bar, my earlier date walked me to the tube station where I pretended to get on my train but instead walked to the other side of the platform and exited the station to walk to the next date location.  This date had also picked a lovely location conveniently on the opposite side of the station to the first.  As soon as he spotted me he stood up from his seat which was something that really struck me about this guy more than the last one who made a similar move but not as smoothly.  Both men had a similar look, this one looked like his best picture while the former looked significantly better than all his profile pictures. After promptly getting me a drink we had the usual chat.  He commented on my distance on the app and seemed suitably impressed that I’d met him only a few hours after landing in the country and complimented my appearance.  Overall, the date was very pleasant but I was exhausted and he picked up on this accommodating my timely exit.  As he walked me back to the tube station, I noticed that we were walking quite close to each other and the proximity was welcome.  On most first dates I’m careful to put my hands in jacket pockets or around my purse handle so as not to have it available for holding I also usually put my handbag between my body and his to create space.  I was quite surprised to discover that as we walked the hand next to him was purse free dangling in a manner begging to be held.  As soon as I became aware I moved and occupied the hand.  When we got to the junction where we parted ways he stood very close to me and informed me that he had enjoyed my company and would very much like to see me again.  I agreed and then he noted that he was away for the rest of the week out of town and would be in touch upon his return.  As I walked away I had this overwhelming feeling of attraction towards this guy that I haven’t felt before and really can’t explain given my date earlier in the day was also brilliant.  I wonder if being the second great date he benefited from a double dose of gratitude.  I await in hope of hearing from him to unpick this feeling.

First date – Wed 31^st May – Tinder (6:30pm):  While in Ibiza I had a nagging suspicion that I’d agreed to go on two dates on Wed while also having plans with a fellow RG that evening which had been in the diary for over a month.  Given general poofage rates I decided one would flake and this guy was the one I’d put my money on.  Unfortunately the day before the date he confirmed and suggested a location near London Bridge.  Ordinarily on weekdays I prefer to meet in my area of work which isn’t in the city centre, however, as I was planning to go into town for my non date related social activity I agreed to his suggested location given it was still within my dating area and enroute to my social engagement. Much to my chagrin the social engagement I was heading to was cancelled and the other date also confirmed but closer to my work on the other end of my 2 mile dating radius.  I wasn’t keen on this date as his communication style wasn’t as eager and his pictures were off putting.  The guy I met was significantly more attractive than his pictures but not as attractive as either of the Monday dates, had I not met two beautiful men at the start of the week I’d have been very happy with my date’s appearance.  I decided to give him his time and was pleasantly surprised by all aspects of him including his personality and how he made a game of my one word non-specific answers by trying to guess the details.  He offered to buy me dinner after our first drink but I used that as an excuse to inform him I had dinner reservations and I had to get going.  He unfortunately took that as rejection and hasn’t pursued me further.

First date – Wed 31^st May – Tinder (8pm): This guy asked me after the first and confirmed logistics later.  Given he had requested a similar time to my first date I requested a reschedule claiming to be “stuck at work”, to my very pleasant surprise he said he was happy to wait until I was ready.  He had picked a nice Thai place near where I work which is the only Thai restaurant in that area and unfortunately the ladyboy hostess has clocked me on two different dates and suspects I conduct different type of transaction with these men. Hence, I will need to change my dining preference to Japanese on my dating profile as there is more choice of that in the area where I work. A pleasant date that fed me and asked me out again but the follow through wasn’t strong so this will go no further.

Second date – Fri 2^nd Jun – OKC: So the Starbucks guy from a couple of weeks ago managed to wrangle another date with me.  He had the entire week off but failed to do any research for the date and nexted himself before the date by offering to cook me dinner.  When I declined as I wasn’t going to show up to some bloke’s house after having known him for less than 2 hrs he agreed to meet me exactly where we had met for our first date.  He then proceeded to offer me a drink at the same bar as before.  However, as it was Friday evening the bar was packed and loud so I just said I wasn’t keen to go there.  We shortly navigated to my favourite wine bar where without asking he ordered us a bottle of wine.  He didn’t offer me any food to go with the wine and I was grateful to the pushy staff at the bar that essentially told the idiot that it was impolite not to feed a lady especially when drinking a bottle of wine. Throughout the evening this guy complimented me, and said he liked how mysterious and confident I was.  He said he would remind me of how I was on this date when we were a proper couple as he was sure I’d show him more of my personality.  He talked about our future together and how he was glad to have met me as I was just the girl he was looking for, “the one” may have been mentioned.  When the bottle of wine came to an end he asked if he should order another.  I said, I really couldn’t drink so much without proper food to which he replied, “why I’ve had a big lunch.”  This revealed more about him then all his empty words, he wasn’t really interested in me, it was all about him.  He wanted to get me drunk so he could get laid and whatever he had to say to get that accomplished was collateral damage.  I declined his generous offer for another drink and went to the toilet in hopes that he would get the bill.  I returned to a fresh glass of wine.  I ordered some more nibbles which I finished, the wine was left virtually untouched and we wrapped up the date 30 mins later.  He got 3 hours on Friday evening and he failed to buy me dinner. He asked to see me again and I said, “sure, sounds great” knowing full well I’d never see him again.  After another attempt at getting me to come over to his for the next date and some vague plans for lunch on Sat, we said good bye and I didn’t give him the option of taking me back to the tube.  I never heard from him again, which was as expected.

I am glad for the rules as they have taught me to watch the actions of men and not what they speak.  In the past I would have thought this Friday night date was a great date and wondered why I never heard from this guy.  I would have most likely kissed him at the end of the date, but his behaviour didn’t earn him a kiss and I’ve only learnt that in the last year.  I no longer wonder why I never hear from them, I leave confident in the knowledge of exactly which brain was in operation.

Thanks for reading,

Dating Diva xx

Dating Diva xx

Mr Eligible and his contrast

Dating update w/c May 22/17 – YTD first dates 34

Was away in Ibiza from Thursday onward so did quite well to squeeze in 3 dates in the 3 available days of the week. Two of them were first dates and one second date with the separated guy from the previous week.

First date – Mon 22^nd May – Tinder (6:30pm): Staked two dates on Monday in order to meet my weekly quota. Ended up running a bit late to this date but the guy took that time to find a nice sunny beer garden.  When I arrived he got up from his chair to greet me and instructed me to sit there as that was the sunnier spot, which I thought was really sweet.  He asked me what I wanted and promptly got up to get me the drink.  He was on the younger end of my age range but very sweet and made me laugh with his funny stories.  Unfortunately 30mins into the date my next date texted to inform me he had arrived early to our agreed venue so I had to wrap things up. Even though I arrived 15 minutes late and departed in 40 mins he still asked me out for another date.

First date – Mon 22^nd May – Tinder (7:40pm):  When I match with this guy I was quite excited, his profile ticked a lot of boxes.  His pictures weren’t great but he said he looked better in person and when we had spoken on the phone his voice sounded very sexy.  However, things had gone downhill since our telephone conversation, he had failed to lock me down for a date over the phone and then had attempted several last minute date requests.  Many of these requests were laughable, one requesting to meet in 6 hrs time, but asking me to get drunk beforehand as he would be out drinking with his mates until the suggested meeting time.  One talking about having a pimple on his face, but he would squeeze me in rather than the pimple. Anyway, when I’d just about given up on this man he finally asked me three days in advance for a Monday, given how long he had taken to get there I decided to stack him rather than try the silly scheduling game again. Even though it was a lovely sunny day he picked an indoor sports bar near my work to meet at. That too was done grudgingly when I declined his generous invite for me to come to just outside his office. He was waiting outside and looked worse than his worst online picture, so I actually walked past him without realising it was him.  He greeted me by coming way into my personal space and when we got inside the empty bar he said something about how I had mentioned I don’t drink so he would get me a tea.  I don’t recall saying any such thing, but since he wasn’t offering alcohol I said I’d have a soda water.  He then decided to claim he was kidding and got me a glass of Prosecco which was tepid. It was undrinkable and I mentioned it, which didn’t prompt any action from him so I sat there frowning until he realised he was meant to fix the problem and called over a waitress.  He then asked the waitress if the Prosecco was really tepid which was really annoying and touched the new glass after I approved of the temperature.  The waitress apologised and said the new bar staff hadn’t put the bottle into the fridge properly so they opened a fresh one.  My date just raised his eyebrows.

Even before I’d been provided an appropriate beverage, he had commenced informing me of  how great he was but used the f-word and other foul language in every sentence he spoke.  He told me about how much money he had saved in this bank after purchasing his 2 bed flat in London zone 3.  I’m not sure why so many men need to inform me in such grotesque detail about their earnings and financials.  I’m rarely impressed and I’ve discovered the truly rich value their wealth and privacy too much to brag about it.  Normally when men ask me if I rent or own I say I rent so as not to intimidate my dates.  However, this guy was getting me so annoyed that when he asked I just said I owned.  He already knew which area I lived in so the probability was the property I owned was more expensive than his.  This clearly didn’t not fit his I’m the best you can get narrative so he completely blanked this information and proceeded to talk to me like I rented and didn’t appreciate how much of an achievement owning a property in London was.  I wasn’t finished my drink before he ordered a second for himself, so I ended up spending a little over an hour with him.  When I left I knew I wanted nothing to do with this guy.  He texted me later that evening stating, “hope you made it home or to your next date ok” if he only knew.

Second date – Wed 24^th May – Tinder:  This was the nervous separated guy from the week before.  While I wasn’t overly impressed with our first date he asked me nicely for a second so I accepted.  I’m glad I did as he planned a lovely date that included a lobster dinner and bubbly wine.  He was more relaxed on this date and really good company.  He talked about all the lovely dates he wanted to take me on and couldn’t wait to plan them with me. I agreed to it all but wasn’t sure if it was fair to continue letting him take me out given I was pretty certain he wasn’t the one.  But it was a great finish to my work week before my girls weekend in Ibiza.

The hindsight of writing this blog post two month after the fact is I can provide the update on all three of my dates.  The really sweet young guy organized to see me again the next week at my favourite local pub.  However he didn’t read my message around timing properly and picked too early a time to meet and didn’t respond well to my need to delay.  I also missed my bus on my way so was running late again and instead of calling to ask where I was he simply texted me 15mins post our meeting time that he had left the pub and gone home.  Needless to say I was unimpressed and we never saw each other again.

While, I had no intention of seeing the rude guy from Monday again I did receive a chaser “??” to the earlier text and then a few weeks later a message on Tinder asking “Do you sport fuck”, I had already picked up from his behaviour that I wasn’t his dream girl and he was looking for a cheap lay, why he thought I’d actually respond positively to this is beyond me.

Separated guy sent me a few sweet messages after our date, but none asked me for another date.  On my return from Ibiza, I responded to his latest message stating I had a lovely break.  He promptly informed me that he was now “seriously” seeing someone so he could not see me again.  It only goes to show you never listen to what men say, but watch their actions.  He had said to me on our first date that he didn’t multi date and he liked me and was going to keep dating me.  Yet within 2 weeks of seeing me he had found someone else to commit to, which didn’t quite reconcile with his words.  Well it saved me from letting him down gently so no harm done.

Thanks for reading,

Dating Diva xx

One date wonder no more

Dating update w/c May 15/17 – YTD first dates 32

Arranged 4 – 6 dates this week but only 3 went ahead, at least the tinker moved along if not as rapidly as I’d like.

First date – Mon 8^th May – Tinder:  This date had been rescheduled due to the guys work commitments and in his eagerness to ensure all was in place he had picked an old man’s pub in London Bridge.  He already had a drink when I arrived but he stood up to greet me and then got me a drink.  He had his work phone on the table as he needed to keep an eye out for an important email so he didn’t miss his deadline.  I could tell he hadn’t dated much as he was very nervous and talked a LOT.  Told me his whole life story, and employment history and even showed me pictures of his flat which he was hoping to renovate.  I gave him as long as I could before making my leave after a little over an hour. Wasn’t sure if I wanted to see him again as he was separated but stated that it was legal requirement of the UK so he was 6 months from pushing the button to file his divorce papers.

First date – Fri 12^th May – Tinder: Two dates arranged but only one showed the other poofed without providing a location, guy bought me dinner at a Thai place and I was impressed with the planning but he never cared to ensure my water was full or that I was looked after which left me annoyed. He did try and pretend like he had missed his last train home but I just looked confused like it wasn’t possible.  Funny thing was when he took out his phone to check on his train it was full of Tinder notifications. He then sent me a message later in the evening about missing his train home.  I ignored that message as it was not checking in on my safe arrival but totally self centered as he was on the date.  He later sent me a long message explaining that he didn’t feel there was a spark, guess the feeling was mutual.  No surprise, he didn’t treat me like his dream girl and clearly I wasn’t going to be his girl for the night so there was noting else to be done.

First date – Sun 14^th May – OKC: Not an original thinker or my type but he sent me a personalised message on the site and navigated the hoops so I met up with him.  Better looking than the profile but still not someone I was attracted to.  Was very proud of going up the ranks to management at Starbucks and had a very positive attitude so gave him a drink and bolted.

Thanks for reading,

Dating Diva xx

Vision Board Dating

Dating update w/c May 8/17 – YTD first dates 29

During my staycation, Nadia Joy had helped me create my first Vision Board with all the dates I wanted to go on, within hours of creating it a guy had asked me for a date off the board.  Unfortunately he unmatched me before our date but I had managed to stack him so still had a date that day and it was a good one.

First date – Mon 8^th May – Tinder:  This guy had a kooky sense of style but his profile said he worked in Fashion so I took a punt on him.  Unfortunately I was very unimpressed when he turned up in poop coloured bellbottoms that looked like they were purchased from a thrift store.  As we walked to another vision board location (a departure from the usual All Bar One) he informed me he was a chef (NOOOOO….. not again!) and lived in a house share with 5 men totally inappropriate for a man in his late 30s.  Even before we had arrived at our location he had commented on the awkward silences, it got worse during the date.  When he finally asked me a question I answered and returned the favour to which he pointed out this is the first question you’ve asked me all evening (not true) and touché. He then just proceeded to move in closer to me in order to engage me with even less success, and when he did manage to blurt something it also included a shower of spit.  I couldn’t get out of there fast enough with him chasing me for another date in spite of the “awkward silences”, lack of questions and conversation.  He received the no spark text.

First date – Wed 10^th May – Happn:  Charming, cute Italian that took me to my local Italian and fed me yummy snacks while we enjoyed cocktails. He mentioned he travelled a lot for work and I realised quickly he wasn’t really looking for anything serious given his schedule.  Never heard from him again but it was lovely compensation for the date that poofed.

Second date – Thurs 11^th May – This guy had nexted himself even before our date by making an inappropriate comment about “eating me”, which was ambitious for a man that looked like a toad.  He did manage to take me to another vision board location and I discovered a beautiful hidden roof terrace in Borough Market. Food was really amazing, however, over the course of dinner he mentioned again his plans to sell his flat in London and move out of town, which didn’t really support a relationship in London. I also discovered he had a cat that he mistreated badly and hadn’t taken any time to understand her needs.  I just lost it at this point and made a point about informing him that his misguided attempts at disciplining his cats would only back fire.  It wasn’t rulesy and he was offended and I never heard from him again which saved me sending him a no spark text.  He did try and kiss me at the end of the evening and when he got on his tippy toes I realised how put off I really was by the whole situation.

So some not ideal dates this week but onward and upward.

Thanks for reading!

Dating Diva xx

Staycation

Dating update w/c May 1/17 – YTD first dates 27

Having worked every weekend for the past two months earned me some time off in lieu which I decided to use to get myself back on track with my dating. My staycation started on Thursday of last week but the entire day was spent decompressing and catching up on sleep, I did run out of likes on Tinder none the less.  On Friday, I spent the day with a fellow rules girl (RG) Nadia Joy and ensured all messages on my 10 dating profiles were responded to and I’d liked as much as I could on all apps that needed it.  On Nadia’s encouragement, I even gave a guy that had struggled to understand the concept of scheduling a date for over two months another chance in hopes of getting a date.  In the end, before dead zone I’d agreed to several dates and even managed to stack a couple on Wed. Both my Wed dates didn’t materialise one guy unmatched me in the middle of logistics and the other rescheduled as he forgot he has asked me out on his birthday.  Four dates went ahead which still leaves me behind in my goal, and I will need to go on 15 more dates this month to get back on track.

First date – Mon 1^st May – Tinder: We matched on Tinder on the 5^th of March and the conversation moved to text a week later.  However, this guy did not understand how scheduling a date worked,  first he asked me several times for last minute dates all of which I declined.  I’d never reply to any non date related messages either and was going to stop responding to all messages but he finally realised he needed to ask me for my availability.  I told him when I was free and the idiot went “ok”, waited until later in the week when I said I was free from and then messaged, “so shall we grab a drink tonight?” I couldn’t control my laugher when I read his text.  He had an entire week to lock me in for a date and he didn’t send me a single message then when I’d made other plans he thinks I’d be free to see him? By end of April I was just ignoring his messages but encouraged by my fellow RG I decided to reply one last time and we finally met.  He looked like his worst picture, but was generally good company.  We went to lunch on Monday afternoon which was a bank holiday and he ordered some food for us to share which was delicious.  I already knew I really didn’t want to see him part way through the date as he was on the older end of the age range and just didn’t come off as a charismatic take charge guy.  Fortunately I’ve not heard from him again so no more annoying texts that drain my energy, yay!

First date – Thurs 4^th May – Tinder: Short, slightly chubby Polish lawyer that had a way of communicating that grated on my nerves.  Instead of complimenting me he expressed concern I may be cold because I was wearing “next to nothing”.  I was wearing a denim & leather dress that skimmed my knee, knee high boots, a long leather jacket and a big fur scarf, it was a lot for May!  We sat outside for dinner and he ensured I was under a heat lamp and insisted I wear my jacket as he was worried I was cold.  I know he meant well but it was annoying. I’m glad for the rules as they teach you to smile and nod and not react.  This meant that I just smiled and nodded for much of what he said in the first 30 mins which due to his style came across as condescending or chauvinistic.  As the evening progressed and I learnt more about him I realised in spite of how he came across he was a genuine, sweet and intelligent guy. He has since asked me out and I’ve accepted, we shall see if that leads to anything, I’m not remotely attracted to him.

First date – Sat 6^th May – Tinder:  So I had several dinner date offers for this Sat, however, they were either first dates or last minute requests so I had to decline and ended up having one drinks date early in the evening on Sat.  The guy looked like his picture, but he was shorter than I had accepted and with his white shirt that had large blue dots, the size of a two pound coin, he just looked a bit like a toad.   In the lead up to the date he had claimed he knew a few good places in the area we met in and had even said he knew a great wine bar (there were several near in this area).  But when we met he asked me to pick a place which coupled with his disappointing looks really wound me up. I gave the usual “where did you have in mind?”, “anywhere you pick works” lines which prompted him to lead me in the “wrong” direction so I decided to be slightly bitchy and say, sure anything other than X pub (which was the pub we were headed to) is fine.  He quickly picked two other options and I agreed with the least offensive of the two.

I had spent a good 2 hours getting ready prior to this date (note I didn’t say for this date) as I had the time and had recently organised my make-up and cleaned all my brushes and fancied seeing if the extra effort would actually make a difference to my appearance.  A recent facebook poll confirmed that the “look” that took me longer to pull together was better than the one I did in 15 mins post a gym workout on route to a date. On the way to the bar a man tried to talk to me, when we got to the bar and I went to take a seat I felt eyes on me.  A group of young men walked in while we were there and one just blatantly started at me.  To show my appreciation I walked past the young man’s table on the way to the toilets, and enjoyed his appreciation for my figure.  On the way back his mate decided to stare right at me and mouth wow as I pretended not to notice, my efforts were well worth the ego boost.

Right the date was fine, he really liked his gigs as do I and he talked about stuff that was generally interesting and told me about the awesome Glastonbury line up I am due to enjoy in a mere 7 weeks.  He too has asked me out again and I’ve accepted as he was good company, zero attraction but noting he said flagged any deal breakers so we see.

First date – Sun 5^th May – OKC:  This was a 100% duty date as I would have never swiped yes on this guy.  But he sent me a personalised message, asked me out in 4 and navigated through the date hoops.  Before we even walked the 30 feet to the bar from where we met, I had nexted him as he informed me he was on a “career break” from being a manager of a grocery store.  At the bar while we waited to order drinks he informed me he was deaf and had a very high tech hearing aid which then explained why I though he had a wireless headset attached to him.  I also saw the scars from when he was pushed out of the window of a high rise apartment building as a child.  All of this made me feel sorry for him but not enough to want to spend any more than the minimum amount of time with him. He was also very nervous because he couldn’t believe his luck. Anyway at the end of my 45 mins I left, he has asked me out again and I’m ghosting.

All week I’ve tried to maximise the use of my date look by adding activities around my dates where the look could be appreciated in hopes that I could get dates in real life (IRL).  I have been especially motivated since learning that my friend Nadia Joy, recently met a man who owned his own restaurant, a car service and a large family home simply by sitting in her local coffee shop.  He not only had one of his drivers drop her off after asking her out but has had this driver take her to and from their last two dates.  Nadia and I have a lot in common and such a similar look that when we swiped together last week we matched a guy that thought we were the same woman with two different profiles on Tinder.  So there really are no excuses for me not to be able to attract men by simply being present in my date attire.  Armed with Nadia’s tips for creating a party in my head and owning the CUAO within I set forth.

After Monday’s date I went to my favourite coffee shop to sit and be approached.  Unfortunately the only empty seat was next to a work colleague and I ended up chatting with him and not really managing to channel the CUAO available to talk vibe.

On Thursday, I got date ready and went to a wine tasting hosted by a friend, his finance manager was there with a few of his banker friends and they were attractive and we chatted but none of them tried to get my number.  It was still good to have been in the presence of men, practicing non date CUAO behaviour.

After my date on Saturday, I took myself to my local bar and owned a seat at the bar. I received instant service which was a first. I had intended to do the rest of the evening solo but chickened out and was lucky that my friend Poonam who lived locally was available to help me out.  As I’d mentioned I had taken my time getting ready for this evening and was certain several men had checked me out while I was out on my date. However, as I sat at the bar waiting for Poonam to join me, totally available to be chatted up I started to second guess myself.  Was I really getting all these looks or was it that I felt happy and confident so believed that men were drooling all over me? No one was walking over to me to strike up a conversation.  Fortunately, when Poonam arrived she instantly confirmed that I was in fact owning the bar with the way I was sat.  After a drink at the bar we went to a very trendy street food venue in a warehouse that also has a pop-up of a top central London club in the upper level. Because this establishment is located a very short walk from my house I usually get my hand stamped earlier in the evening so as not to have to pay entry later.  Unfortunately, the stamp I’d gotten earlier had completely washed off and the guys at the door were not the same that I’d spoken to when we arrived.  Nevertheless, I decide to as cutely and sweetly as possible state my stamp case and they not only gave me a new stamp but also let Poonam in for free, again not something I’ve managed to do previously. As we wandered about from food to drink Poonam stated that a few men had looked at me like I was the main course confirming that it wasn’t all in my head.  Now I know all this build up should yield in me actually being chatted up by a gorgeous man, but that didn’t happen this week.  What did happen is that I felt more confident, I was able to revel in the attention for the first time rather than panic that men were staring at me because I had my skirt stuck in my spanx and that is a small but significant victory.

I have a few dates lined up for next week and at least one date I’m actually excited about.  I will continue to work on my IRL game.  My housemate recently spotted my long time crush in the area we work in so maybe all of this is practice so I don’t wet myself or run and hide like a child if I bump into him. I truly believe everything I’m currently experiencing is happening for a reason, the reason is unknown to me but everything always works out for me so I’m just going to enjoy the ride.

Thanks for reading!

Dating Diva xx

To date or not to date

Dating update w/c April 24/17 – YTD first dates 23

With another weekend spent at work there was not a lot of swiping or online presence to generate dates this week.  A few guys managed to get in touch and three dates were arranged. One on Tuesday, didn’t set a location and messaged the next day to say he hadn’t seen I’d accepted his date offer last week!  He then asked me for a last minute date for prime time Friday night and in my head I just thought, dude you are not traditionally attractive, you have a profile picture where your acne is plainly visible and you blew your one shot at a date by failing to follow though how dare you think you deserve a prime Friday night slot?  Seriously do you think that given I agreed to date your ugly mug I’m so desperate that I’d be sat at home on a Friday night?

My Thursday night date did materialise, though the day before when he called to arrange details he mentioned he worked as a chauffeur and that just put me right off, blue collar is another deal breaker for me and this too has been coach approved.  That said I’d committed to writing this blog and no dates equals no blogs so I decided to take my new extensions for a test drive.

Made a last ditch attempt to rouse up dates on Thursday which was the first day of my staycation, however, my date for Sunday of this week bailed with a lame excuse of “not having slept well.”  This is the second time I’ve had this happen, a very average guy that seems super keen to take me out bails on the day or just before.  I like to believe that they are so surprised that a beautiful woman has agreed to date their average arse that they convince themselves something is wrong.  It is easier to believe this than to think even the lame average guys don’t want to date me.  When the really good looking ones bail I decide it is because they are spoiled by women that pander to their needs and not keen enough to put it the effort.  Whatever I need to say to myself to stay positive.

First date – Thurs 27^th April – Badoo: We met at my local tube station and he informed me that the bar next to the station was full which I read as being too pricey for the chauffeur because nothing in my area is ever really full and this bar is quite large. We went to a blue collar pub in the grimmer end of my neighbourhood, which I’m sure was more comfortable for him. Overall seemed like a well-rounded guy that was doing the best he could for himself.  He informed me he had recently purchased a place in a pretty decent part of town with a friend.  This I though was quite impressive until I learned it was an ex-local authority, one bed flat that he was sharing with 3 other guys while they converted it into a two bed which he would then share with his mate and his wife.  Oh dear lord that depressed me!  He asked to see me again after the date and as always I said “sure, sounds good” but I’m pretty sure he could sense my heart wasn’t in it as he never followed through.

On Friday, I had a fellow rules girl visit and we talked all sorts of dating strategy.  Then we did our messages and app swiping just before dead zone commenced and I can’t remember the last time I’d laughed so hard as we navigated our messages with a flurry of “great”, “sounds great”, “sure”, “you seem nice”, “good question”, “Thanks”, and “when did you have in mind?”.  Armed with my vison boards and new dating strategy I’m on the prowl for as many dates as I can get in my week off, wish me luck!

Thanks for reading!

Dating Diva xx

Getting caught up over the last month

Dating update w/c Mar 20/17 – Apr 17/17 YTD first dates 22

So, a month has flown by with work taking over my life to the point that in the past month I worked over night on 3 different nights plus every weekend.  But I still managed to squeeze in a few first dates!  Overall we are 33% of the way through the year so I’m almost 10 dates behind my goal for the year.  I’ve finally finished my key work deliverables and have taken a staycation to get myself back on track.  I fully intend to return back to my weekly updates with a lot more dates each week than I’ve experienced the past month.

Picking up where we left off, my head was pretty giddy from kissing Mr Voice and I wasn’t sure how much restraint I would have.  Fortunately, my will power was never tested.  After our Sunday date he sent me some sweet nothing messages on Monday which I ignored, then on Tuesday he messaged, “Hey you wanna come for dinner this weekend?” I decided to also ignore this as it wasn’t an acceptable offer given last week I’d already expressed my preference to go out.  Next text was “guess you don’t wanna meet anymore?” so I replied “meeting sounds great”. Annoyingly he once again offered to cook me dinner so I replied, “sounds lovely but I’d feel more comfortable going out”.  To which the insensitive jerk replied, “I’m not gonna lock you up in a basement lol” followed by, “are you free Saturday night?” The back and forth had used up the week and as he was asking on Thursday for Saturday in the most unromantic way so I decided to dead zone him early.

Both my rules and non-rules girlfriends agreed that he was asking me out properly for Sat, so on Sun, after another prompt for a response from him I replied, “Crazy busy, Saturday works” which he took to mean next Sat and asked if I’d be happy to meet at 8pm.  Once again I was not pleased as a guy super keen to see me would not be pushing to that late in the evening unless he wanted to put minimal effort to get me back to his place.  I simply answered, “sure” and didn’t hear from him the rest of the week.  On Saturday when I had given up on the date I received the “Are we still meeting tonight” text, once again I replied “sure”, as no effort had been made to plan a date I wasn’t excited about the prospects.  This was good as the next message from him was “ok cool 🙂 Do you have my address?” I decided it was too disrespectful to reply to so that was when Mr. Voice definitively nexted himself and he hasn’t had a reply from me since.

First date – Sun 2^nd April – Tinder: Forced myself to put on the amazing outfit I’d planned for the night before to go on a duty date.  Within 15 mins the guy had informed me he had “lost” his home as he’d been unemployed for a period of time and now lived rent free in some warehouse, attractive I think not. 20 minutes into the date I learnt he was a smoker which is a deal breaker. As soon as I’d finished my drink 45mins in I got up and left.

First date – Tue 11^th April – POF: First ever POF date since I started doing the rules, in 10+ years of using POF on again / off again, I’ve been on a total of 3 dates from the site including this one. Not sure why when everyone else I know that is out there dating raves about this as a top free site, I’ve had no luck at all on it.  Before my date I shared the ugly mugshot of my date with two friends I’ve made though my coach.  To my chagrin both had spoken to my date and one had been on two dates with him.  They shared their experience so I was ready to give the guy his 90mins of duty date time.  He looked as sad as his picture and was a little short of a full set.  Insisted on buying me dinner, seemed sweet and pleasant enough.  He seemed very impressed that I lived with a friend in my own place, even though I’d told him I was renting and it was a house share.  So when the topic was brought up again by him, I asked about his living arrangements.  Turned out this 41 year old man, who has never married, still lived with his parents.  He briefly moved out to live with friends but when that didn’t work out, and he was vague about the details on why, he returned home.  I decided I didn’t want dessert and made tracks as soon as he’d paid the bill.

First date – Thurs 20^th April – Badoo: Between working solid for 12 – 20 hours I’d occasionally swipe and message men and this one managed to arrange a date.  Overall he was better looking than I’d expected, while a bit huskier than my usual type I was attracted to him.  He made me laugh and we had a nice date.  Had I heard from him again I’d have agreed to see him again but I never did and honestly I’m not disappointed.

Yep, went from having 3 – 4 dates in a week to 3 in a month.  But have been running out of swipes on tinder again and hope to get back on track very soon.

Thanks for reading!

Dating Diva xx

Doubling down

Dating update w/c Mar 13/17 – YTD first dates 19

When I completed the review of all my emails on Sunday 12^th March post dead-zone I had accepted 10 date requests.  Of the 10 most didn’t get into logistics and only 4 first dates were agreed and one actually happened.  I had a total of 2 dates this week, one first and one second with the same guy, which is concerning as that isn’t actually allowed but then it was all within the rules framework so not sure if I should have handled it differently.

First date – Thurs 16th Mar – OKC – This guy’s first text was only one short question, and I wanted to delete him as I wasn’t attracted to his profile picture which was quite dark and difficult to see.  Unfortunately the question was a personalised one based on what I’d written on my profile so within the rules I decided to give him 4 messages.  In 3 he had asked me out, and got my number by our forth exchange.  He messaged right away and then we began the lengthy exchange of arranging a date which took a month.  By the time we had agreed on a suitable date I didn’t remember what he looked like or how we had met. I remember thinking he was a duty date and was looking for essentially an Indian “freshie.”

I turned up at our agreed location and then just stood in a spot hoping this guy would wave or catch my eye.  As I did a slow spin a tall man that looked a bit like Mick Jagger in his glory days if he had a great tan waved at me.  I paused to make sure he was indeed waving at me before walking over to him.  The minute I heard his voice I knew I was in trouble.  While not at all my usual type, the only thought in my head was I want to kiss those lips!  His voice was lovely and when he informed me that he worked as a voice over artist I believed without a shadow of doubt he earned good money.  As the date progressed he mentioned how he had seen all the same people on all the apps and asked if I’d experienced the same. Figured there was no point pretending I was only on one app as he would see me on something else for sure, if he hadn’t already.  So I decided to just rip off the Band-Aid right away.  With my eyes as wide as they would open, with as innocent a face as I could muster up, (channelling guilty puppy face) I stated I honestly didn’t remember which app I’d met him on.  I knew if he got angry I would have my answer, he wasn’t an alpha and couldn’t handle rules dating.  When he laughed out and shook his head saying, “you are unbelievable” the test was complete.  He reminded me of where we had met and then we moved on to other topics.

Not long after my confession he asked if I would like to meet him again and I agreed.  He then asked what I was doing over the weekend.  This I always find a bit of a trick question as it could just be making conversation or it could be trying to pin you down.  So I simply stated, “I’m sure someone will remind me” which he also found funny and then asked if I’d like to see him on Sun.  As it was Thursday, I could within the 3 day rule accept a date for Sun.  That said we are not supposed to go on more than one date a week until established as a couple so normally I would have said no.  However, I feel on a first date the track record of guys actually following through on their date requests after the fact is less than 10%, so not worth discouraging the request. The general advice I’ve received is you just say sure, sounds good and wait for them to pin you down. So I did just that and this one pinned me down.

 

Second date – Sunday 19th Mar – OKC –  He called 48hrs later while I was at the gym and when  I got out I had 4 text messages and within one of them he had nexted himself by offering to cook me dinner. Mate I met you once for 45 mins and you think I’m going to show up at yours for dinner? Seriously???  Anyway, I gave the standard, “prefer to go out” answer and it was accepted and we met in my area again.  Had a nice lunch and then he asked if I had to be headed somewhere.  I said I had a bit more time as it had only been one hour on the date so we wandered about to find a place for a drink.

 

While there were many options he was looking for something loungy and I discovered later why this was the case.  In an attempt to find a place we went to a bar that had several floors, but as it was Sunday one was closed and we found ourselves in an empty stairwell.  He tried to grab my hand at this point and my spidey senses said “run”.  So I pulled my first and only door open on the date and got into the main building and jumped into a fuller lift going to the next floor.  Unfortunately the rather perfect location was fully booked so we headed out.  On the lift ride down we were alone and he leaned in for a kiss. What happened next was an out of body experience where I found myself looking down on the unrulesly version of me, tilting my head towards his beautiful lips and enjoying the kiss, while the rules girl in me stared with disapproval. I didn’t pull away but it ended quickly (or so it felt) when the lift arrived at its destination. We were both very red in the face not because we were flushed, but because my lipstick was everywhere!  He told me not to reapply it, though when he went to find some tissues I reapplied my lipstick, stating I didn’t what to have to do that again.

 

Aside: Kissing with the rules:

An unexpected outcome of the rules is that I seem to really enjoy the kisses I get.  In the past before the rules, I was very uncomfortable with both kissing and sex as I felt I needed to be good at these activities and the need to be good deterred from my ability to enjoy these pleasures.  There were only a handful of times that I kissed a guy pre-rules where I felt real sparks.  With the rules I’ve learnt to listen and let the man lead and so that has yielded better results.  This has relieved me of the burden of needing to be good as I am to simply accept the offer or reject not meet said offer.  Hence when before every kiss was a minefield of what do I do with my tongue or how do I respond to that movement, now it is simply breathe, relax and remember to pull away first.  I’m very much looking forward to sex with the rules and most unfortunately looking forward to sex with Mr. Voice regardless of the rules ….

We finally found a pub he liked and while he went to get me a drink from the bar I found a two seater table in public view to sit at and placed bag and jacket on the open side of my seat as I now knew what he was hoping for.  He moved my jacked and sat next to me and then proceeded to try and kiss me.  As tempting as it was I knew that we had already gone past the recommended amount of kissing so I simply said I didn’t know him very well.  We started chatting and before he knew it he had shared some personal details that he hadn’t intended to as at the end of it he looked at me bewildered and asked how we had gotten on that subject.  Then he said, so you know me better now can I have a kiss and I just laughed, it was endearing but would I have felt that had I not been attracted to him?

Over the course of the next hour he tried to kiss me several times and succeeded twice.  Finally I asked to leave and he asked for a kiss before I left and I said I’d consider if upon my exit, given he was in the way of said exit.  He then moaned that I didn’t like him and I shrugged, so he asked me out again and I said sounds good. He proposed some dates and I remained vague.  He said he would call and if I didn’t answer he would text.  This made me a bit happy, that while this one was too cute and slobbery to train properly at least some of it was working.

Overall, looking back on this date now that every one of my nerve endings has seized to be on fire I think:

Did he treat me with respect?

Would I have liked this if I wasn’t attracted to him?

Would he treat his dream girl this way?

The answer to all of to the above is NO.  I don’t think this guy is Mr. Right, but I think I need to date him as I’ll learn about my own tolerance levels and what I need to be mindful of when I do meet Mr Right.  Or I’m simply talking myself into this because I just want to kiss this guy some more!!!  I don’t know if my desire for sex will derail my desire for finding Mr Right but whatever happens as always I will learn and better myself from the experience.

Thanks for reading!!

Dating Diva xx